Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

That’s What Your Nov­el­’s About?

Man eat­ing with his fam­i­ly: So when she took her home preg­nan­cy test, she ac­ci­den­tal­ly peed all over the counter. When he con­front­ed her, she lied about it, and al­so told him she was­n’t preg­nant. But then my sis­ter told him that she was ac­tu­al­ly preg­nant.

Over­heard by: just try­ing to en­joy my meat scram­bler

Let Us Give Thanks for Safe and Le­gal Birth Con­trol

Broth­er: Where’s the ba­by?
Sis­ter: Over there. (ges­tures to crazy 4–5 year old child in jun­gle gym)
Broth­er: I’m sor­ry, but every time my nephew goes in­sane I want to clothes­line him.
Sis­ter: I don’t think you’re quite ready for fa­ther­hood yet.

Poway, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Jail, Any­one?