It’s the Greatest Thing Since… You Know

Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that’s true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen… like bread.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: MoMo

Was It a Big Bang?

Guy, crying: Ahhh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawking right up here, in my head!

Starbucks
Biloxi, Mississippi

Said She’s Too Old to Start Wearing Pleather Again

Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.

Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania

At Least Let Me Tie You to the Roof-Rack

Girl stopped at a gas station refueling: Get out of my trunk now! People are going to think that I kidnapped you!

Charlottesville, Virginia

Overheard by: A Concerned Friend

You Can’t Shame Me Into the Army

College guy: I’m scared!
College girl: Just do it!
College guy: No, I’m scared!
College girl: Be a man!
College guy: I don’t wanna!

Salisbury, Maryland

And I’m Running Dangerously Low on Reese’s Pieces

Seemingly not-crazy lady on elevator: Have you seen any aliens today?
Man: Not yet, but it’s still pretty early.
Seemingly not-crazy lady: I hope I don’t see any; I don’t have any spit.

Fox Plaza
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Uses spit for lube

If He Asked You Out, He Probably Likes Crazy Drag Queens

Girl looking at herself in the mirror to stranger: Do I look crazy? Do I look like a drag queen? I’m on a first date and I’m really nervous.

Bar Bathroom
Chicago, Illinois

I’m Sorry I Ever Chose to Study The Necronomicon

Guy going to study for finals: I’m kinda scared to sit in a cubicle alone… by myself… Alone with my thoughts. Not good.

PCL Library
University of Texas at Austin

If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!

Girl #1: I’m all freaked out now! I bet you she’s pregnant! My sister’s pregnant!
Girl #2: I’m sure she’s not pregnant, you’re assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!

Adelaide
Australia

Overheard by: monkey

The Heidegger Hobo Also Plays Fundraisers and Private Parties

Homeless guy to girl passing by: The economic downturn has thrown me into an existential panic! (girl looks at him quizzically) Yeah, us street folk feel that shit too.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Alessa Colaianni