Was It a Big Bang?

Guy, cry­ing: Ah­hh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawk­ing right up here, in my head!

Star­bucks
Biloxi, Mis­sis­sip­pi

Said She’s Too Old to Start Wear­ing Pleather Again

Old la­dy to an­oth­er: Mary start­ed cry­ing be­cause she thought they were tak­ing her back to New Jer­sey.

Piz­za Shop
Li­ma, Penn­syl­va­nia

At Least Let Me Tie You to the Roof-Rack

Girl stopped at a gas sta­tion re­fu­el­ing: Get out of my trunk now! Peo­ple are go­ing to think that I kid­napped you!

Char­lottesville, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: A Con­cerned Friend

You Can’t Shame Me In­to the Army

Col­lege guy: I’m scared!
Col­lege girl: Just do it!
Col­lege guy: No, I’m scared!
Col­lege girl: Be a man!
Col­lege guy: I don’t wan­na!

Sal­is­bury, Mary­land

And I’m Run­ning Dan­ger­ous­ly Low on Reese’s Pieces

Seem­ing­ly not-crazy la­dy on el­e­va­tor: Have you seen any aliens to­day?
Man: Not yet, but it’s still pret­ty ear­ly.
Seem­ing­ly not-crazy la­dy: I hope I don’t see any; I don’t have any spit.

Fox Plaza
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Us­es spit for lube

If He Asked You Out, He Prob­a­bly Likes Crazy Drag Queens

Girl look­ing at her­self in the mir­ror to stranger: Do I look crazy? Do I look like a drag queen? I’m on a first date and I’m re­al­ly ner­vous.

Bar Bath­room
Chica­go, Illi­nois

I’m Sor­ry I Ever Chose to Study The Necro­nom­i­con

Guy go­ing to study for fi­nals: I’m kin­da scared to sit in a cu­bi­cle alone… by my­self… Alone with my thoughts. Not good.

PCL Li­brary
Uni­ver­si­ty of Texas at Austin

If It Could Hap­pen to Lance Arm­strong, It Could Hap­pen to Any­body!

Girl #1: I’m all freaked out now! I bet you she’s preg­nant! My sis­ter’s preg­nant!
Girl #2: I’m sure she’s not preg­nant, you’re as­sum­ing the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has tes­ti­cle can­cer?!

Ade­laide
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: mon­key

The Hei­deg­ger Hobo Al­so Plays Fundrais­ers and Pri­vate Par­ties

Home­less guy to girl pass­ing by: The eco­nom­ic down­turn has thrown me in­to an ex­is­ten­tial pan­ic! (girl looks at him quizzi­cal­ly) Yeah, us street folk feel that shit too.

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Alessa Co­la­ian­ni

Every­thing He Knows About Amer­i­cans He Learned from Watch­ing Roseanne Re­runs

Lit­tle boy, point­ing to tourist: Mom! I can’t get on be­cause the Amer­i­can will eat me!

Philip­pines