Attractive passerby: And then she was all like, “my parents would never press charges against you.” And I was so touched…
Houston, Texas
Archive for the ‘Feelings’ Category
I Have Someone Else Do It, But I Guide Their Hand
Muslim girl: I’m really emo, but you couldn’t tell from looking at me.
Other girl: Really?
Muslim girl: Yeah, but I don’t cut myself. Well, technically. It depends what you mean by cutting yourself.
University of Toronto
Toronto
Canadia
But Fantastic That You’re Keeping That Cultural Reference Alive
History professor, lecturing on the early 1900s: I mean, the problem of being the only person with a telephone is, well, who you gonna call?
Class, as one: Ghostbusters!
History professor: You kids scare me.
CU
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: They know their history, alright
She’s Wrong
Teen girl to friend: She doesn’t even know what she wants! She just likes to text Scott because it makes her feel pretty.
Forever 21
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Blood Feud– Gotcha
Birthday girl: Not to be mean, but I’m kind of glad Jeff* can’t come to my birthday party. Now I can invite Kelly*.
Friend: Why couldn’t you before? Not enough seats?
Birthday girl (long pause): No. Because Jeff’s brother got her sister pregnant.
Friend: Oh, yeah.
University of Notre Dame
Notre Dame, Indiana
Overheard by: iz
Ah, Refried Love
20-something girl on phone: Wait, he gave you a bite of his burrito and you’re questioning his feelings for you? (pause) Girl, he practically proposed right there!
University of Missouri
Overheard by: Black Bean
It’s Kind of a Vicious Cycle, Isn’t It?
Female suit #1: She’s just sad and lonely.
Female suit #2: That’s no excuse for Mormonism.
Santa Barbara, California
Maybe Stop Voting Republican?
Guy: My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He doesn’t have a cheek anymore. It’s been entirely restructured. She used to beat the shit out of him! It was so funny. But when he drunk – that’s when she’d get a beating.
Girl, sympathetically: Your family…
Guy: Oh, I love my family! I don’t know what I’d do without them!
Neptune City, New Jersey
But I Don’t See Either on the Menu
Serious Asian dude: I don’t like angry soul food bitches. I like happy soul food bitches.
Maryland
Overheard by: Neither nor
These Can Be Subdivided into Breast-Men and Leg-Men
Dude on cell: Hey, all I know is lonely men love chicken…
Illinois Wesleyan University
Illinois
Overheard by: martha
