Archive for the ‘Feelings’ Category

Chances Are Good We'll Get to Denver or Somewhere Near It

Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.

Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri

To Errol Is Human. My Dick: Divine.

Greek girlfriend: She misses you baby.
English boyfriend: Hm?
Greek girlfriend: She misses you.
English boyfriend: Who misses me?
Greek girlfriend: Helena.
English boyfriend: Who's Helena?
Greek girlfriend: My vagina, baby.
Indian guy at table: You named your snatch Helena?! Really? You named your vagina?
Greek girlfriend: Sure, don't you have a name for your dick?
Indian guy and English boyfriend, at same time: No.
Greek girlfriend: I've always thought of your dick as being called Errol, baby.

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

…I Allowed the Holy Spirit Into My Life.

Disgruntled freshman girl #1: Ugh, I hate that guy. He is like, you know, so… Ugh!
Disgruntled freshman girl #2: I know, right?
Rude sophomore guy, interrupting: Oh, me and him? We're like porn buddies!
(awkward silence from girls)
Rude sophomore guy: What? That was like, before.

Cainta
Rizal
Philippines

Overheard by: happened to be eating lunch