Flight attendant (on PA): Chances are they're all middle seats. Find the one with the most attractive people, and take it.
Southwest Flight over California
Overheard by: Armen
Archive for the ‘Flight attendants’ Category
Chances Are Good We'll Get to Denver or Somewhere Near It
Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.
Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri
Grim Reaper: “I Duck Into the Bathroom for Two Minutes…”
Flight attendant, after landing: If anyone left a black coat, please come to the front of the cabin to claim it. (pause) Or if anyone would like to take a black coat for free.
Orlando, Florida
Roseanne Barr: The Flight Attendant Years
Angry suit: When is this plane going to take off? I have a very important meeting to get to!
Flight attendant: The incoming plane is delayed, sir, there's nothing we can do at the moment.
Angry suit: Well, are you going to make arrangements for me to get on another flight? This is urgent! Do you know who I am?
Flight attendant (over loudspeaker): Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, there is a gentleman at the desk who does not know who he is. If anyone has any information about his identity, please come forward.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
For You Cat Lovers, It Was a Dog
Flight attendant over PA after bump during taxi: Don’t worry guys, it was just a cat!
Southwest Airlines, BWI airport
Baltimore, Maryland
And Stop Slouching. You Know Who You Are
Flight attendant: Please refrain from smoking for the rest of your life.
Flight over Denver, Colorado
So I'm Sure You All Appreciated the Delay
Vaguely thuggish flight attendant: Aiiight, y'all, welcome aboard United Airlines…don't know the flight number, but we're going to Detroit, and that's all that matters.
Delayed Flight from Washington, DC
Overheard by: keeeeem
NewsFlash: Cultural References from 1998 Finally Reach Missouri
Flight attendant: Fasten your seatbelt low and tight around your waist, like Britney Spears' pants.
Airplane
St. Louis, Missouri
When Communists and Capitalists Work Together
Flight attendant: As you depart the aircraft, please check your area for any personal belongings. If you leave anything behind, please make sure that it can either be split three ways or that we can sell it on eBay. Thanks for flying Southwest!
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: robyn
We'll Now Begin the “Sensual Massage” Portion Of Our Flight
Flight attendant, over loudspeaker: We will now be dimming the lights for the remainder of the flight.
(Lights dim)
Flight attendant, in deep, sexy voice: Are you in the mood to fly now? I thought so…
Southwest Airlines Flight
Austin, Texas