Archive for the ‘Flight attendants’ Category

Roseanne Barr: The Flight At­ten­dant Years

An­gry suit: When is this plane go­ing to take off? I have a very im­por­tant meet­ing to get to!
Flight at­ten­dant: The in­com­ing plane is de­layed, sir, there’s noth­ing we can do at the mo­ment.
An­gry suit: Well, are you go­ing to make arrange­ments for me to get on an­oth­er flight? This is ur­gent! Do you know who I am?
Flight at­ten­dant (over loud­speak­er): Ex­cuse me, ladies and gen­tle­men, there is a gen­tle­man at the desk who does not know who he is. If any­one has any in­for­ma­tion about his iden­ti­ty, please come for­ward.

Mid­way Air­port
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Re­quiem for a Dream? Re­al­ly?

Pas­sen­ger to at­ten­dant: Ex­cuse me? They turned the movie off.
At­ten­dant: Yes, we’re land­ing ear­li­er than thought.
Pas­sen­ger: Oh, but the movie was­n’t over.
At­ten­dant: Sor­ry about that, but we need to turn it off for de­scent.
Pas­sen­ger: But I was watch­ing it!
At­ten­dant: I am very sor­ry, but since we have start­ed our de­scent…
Pas­sen­ger, in­ter­rupt­ing: But now I don’t know how it ends!
At­ten­dant: They all lived hap­pi­ly ever af­ter.

Qan­tas Flight to Mel­bourne

Over­heard by: Seat 14 F

Chances Are Good We’ll Get to Den­ver or Some­where Near It

Stressed flight at­ten­dant, af­ter four-hour de­lay: Folks, we’ve just been cleared for im­me­di­ate de­par­ture. (pas­sen­gers cheer) All pas­sen­gers must be seat­ed, with your seat belts fas­tened for take­off. To do so, in­sert the metal–well, if you can’t fig­ure it out for your­self, you’re in trou­ble. If at any point an oxy­gen mask ap­pears in front of you, you’ll want to put that on. In the event of a wa­ter land­ing oc­cur­ring be­tween St. Louis and Den­ver, there will be a flota­tion de­vice un­der your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emer­gency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don’t even think about smok­ing. See the safe­ty in­for­ma­tion card for the rest. Here we go.

St. Louis Air­port, Mis­souri