Male flight attendant: This will be a miserable flight. It’ll be really turbulent and then we’ll end up in New Jersey.
Flight into Newark Airport
Archive for the ‘Flight attendants’ Category
And Never Underestimate Their Surgical Dexterity
Pilot #1: He flew to Myrtle Beach to meet some girl he met online. We were expecting to find him naked in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney.
Flight attendant: Who would want his kidney? He’s so short!
Pilot #2: Hey, kids need kidneys too! Little kids!
Atlanta, Georgia
But I’m Sure You’ll Locate Your Suitcase– Bwahaha!
Passenger trying to find lost baggage: Excuse me! Do you work for United?
Airline steward: No! Oh no! Thank god!
P.E. Trudeau Airport
Montreal
Canadia
Roseanne Barr: The Flight Attendant Years
Angry suit: When is this plane going to take off? I have a very important meeting to get to!
Flight attendant: The incoming plane is delayed, sir, there’s nothing we can do at the moment.
Angry suit: Well, are you going to make arrangements for me to get on another flight? This is urgent! Do you know who I am?
Flight attendant (over loudspeaker): Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, there is a gentleman at the desk who does not know who he is. If anyone has any information about his identity, please come forward.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Now Kindly Fasten Your Seat Belts in Case the Doors Fly Off
Stewardess: Sorry for the delay, ladies and gentlemen. The first two planes we tried didn’t work, so this is the third one and we made it here okay…so, so far, so good!
Airport Runway
Cabo San Lucas
Mexico
Hey, You Try to Negotiate the Aisles While Applying Eyeliner
Female flight attendant (managing to bump beverage cart into a seat): Whoops, sorry! Woman driver!
Flight over Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Gaby Young
Requiem for a Dream? Really?
Passenger to attendant: Excuse me? They turned the movie off.
Attendant: Yes, we’re landing earlier than thought.
Passenger: Oh, but the movie wasn’t over.
Attendant: Sorry about that, but we need to turn it off for descent.
Passenger: But I was watching it!
Attendant: I am very sorry, but since we have started our descent…
Passenger, interrupting: But now I don’t know how it ends!
Attendant: They all lived happily ever after.
Qantas Flight to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Seat 14 F
If That’s True, How Come There’s Never Been a Real World There?
Flight attendant: Okay, everyone, we’re going to be landing soon. We would like to be the first to welcome you to reality…I mean, Cleveland.
Plane over Cleveland, Ohio
Relax– That Just Means It Likes You
(strange loud sound comes from the plane)
Calm but confused flight attendant: That’s weird, I’ve never heard that before.
Freaked out passenger: Um, excuse me? What?!
Flight to Cancun, Mexico
That’s What the Overhead Lights Are For
Flight attendant (on PA): Chances are they’re all middle seats. Find the one with the most attractive people, and take it.
Southwest Flight over California
Overheard by: Armen
