Stewardess: Sorry for the delay, ladies and gentlemen. The first two planes we tried didn’t work, so this is the third one and we made it here okay…so, so far, so good!
Airport Runway
Cabo San Lucas
Mexico
Archive for the ‘Flight attendants’ Category
Hey, You Try to Negotiate the Aisles While Applying Eyeliner
Female flight attendant (managing to bump beverage cart into a seat): Whoops, sorry! Woman driver!
Flight over Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Gaby Young
Requiem for a Dream? Really?
Passenger to attendant: Excuse me? They turned the movie off.
Attendant: Yes, we’re landing earlier than thought.
Passenger: Oh, but the movie wasn’t over.
Attendant: Sorry about that, but we need to turn it off for descent.
Passenger: But I was watching it!
Attendant: I am very sorry, but since we have started our descent…
Passenger, interrupting: But now I don’t know how it ends!
Attendant: They all lived happily ever after.
Qantas Flight to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Seat 14 F
If That’s True, How Come There’s Never Been a Real World There?
Flight attendant: Okay, everyone, we’re going to be landing soon. We would like to be the first to welcome you to reality…I mean, Cleveland.
Plane over Cleveland, Ohio
Relax– That Just Means It Likes You
(strange loud sound comes from the plane)
Calm but confused flight attendant: That’s weird, I’ve never heard that before.
Freaked out passenger: Um, excuse me? What?!
Flight to Cancun, Mexico
That’s What the Overhead Lights Are For
Flight attendant (on PA): Chances are they’re all middle seats. Find the one with the most attractive people, and take it.
Southwest Flight over California
Overheard by: Armen
Chances Are Good We’ll Get to Denver or Somewhere Near It
Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we’ve just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can’t figure it out for yourself, you’re in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you’ll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don’t even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.
Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri
Grim Reaper: “I Duck Into the Bathroom for Two Minutes…”
Flight attendant, after landing: If anyone left a black coat, please come to the front of the cabin to claim it. (pause) Or if anyone would like to take a black coat for free.
Orlando, Florida
Roseanne Barr: The Flight Attendant Years
Angry suit: When is this plane going to take off? I have a very important meeting to get to!
Flight attendant: The incoming plane is delayed, sir, there’s nothing we can do at the moment.
Angry suit: Well, are you going to make arrangements for me to get on another flight? This is urgent! Do you know who I am?
Flight attendant (over loudspeaker): Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, there is a gentleman at the desk who does not know who he is. If anyone has any information about his identity, please come forward.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
For You Cat Lovers, It Was a Dog
Flight attendant over PA after bump during taxi: Don’t worry guys, it was just a cat!
Southwest Airlines, BWI airport
Baltimore, Maryland
