Scruffy guy: Shit, I’d suck dick for money. I’ve always kind of wished I was a girl so I could be a stripper… or a whore.
Gainesville, Florida
Archive for the ‘Florida’ Category
Plus I Feel a Little Gay Riding a Log
Intimidating black man on log flume: This ain’t no romantic cruise!
Busch Gardens, Florida
Next: a Game Of “Just the Tip”
Not-very-smooth guy to attractive woman at bar: I just want to see it! I promise I won’t touch your vagina.
Tallahassee, Florida
So, You’ll Notice That I’m Topless.
Chick #1, to class: Sorry I stink. I just got back from soccer practice.
Chick #2: That’s okay. My cat peed on my shirt before I left the house.
Palm Bay, Florida
That’s the Last Time Mommy Is Taking You to Work
Four-year-old boy, singing: I’m gonna piss in your mouth, I’m gonna piss on your head…
Mom: Sweetie, who are you talking to?
Four-year-old boy: You.
Mom: Oh, okay.
Publix grocery store
Florida
Overheard by: Amused yet appalled
Sesame Street Has Really Diversified Its Curriculum
Guy: It was mostly about fucking goats, but I also learned a lot about libel law.
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Nick
You Lithuanian Girls Know What I’m Talking About
Anthropology teacher: All women are beautiful, whether they’re tall and skinny or not. Including female Sasquatch.
USF
Florida
Wasn’t That a Super Smash Brothers Character?
20-ish girl #1: Yeah, I was called ‘Sweet Pea’ all the time when I was little.
20-ish girl #2: To this day my dad calls me ‘Peanut.‘
Fat lady nearby, to no one: Yeah, I got a nickname, too. They call me ‘Jiggly Puff.’
TGIFridays
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida
Overheard by: I can’t imagine why.
It’s So Hard to Find Cheap Storage in the City
Guy reading iPhone: IT sez here some gal in Fort Meyers was arrested and later found to have a knife hidden in her vagina.
Friend: I could go with that…
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Café con leche
Have You Learned So Little from The Sweetest Thing?
Teen girl in bathroom #1: I’d hate to be a guy and have to use a urinal.
Teen girl in bathroom #2: Oh yeah, that thing looks unsanitary.
Teen girl in bathroom #1: Not even that, but like if you had to go poop then everyone would know it.
Teen girl in bathroom #3: You can’t poop in a urinal?
High School
Coral Springs, Florida
