Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

When My God Fills Me Up, I Gain Five Pounds.

Lady #1: This cheese is sooo good.
Lady #2: Mmm, it is nice.
Lady #1: No, but it is really good. I mean, cheese is just amazing. I mean, it’s not like you grow it or anything — it’s man-made, from just milk. And a bit of mold! It’s incredible!
Lady #2: Wow, you really love it, don’t you?
Lady #1: Cheese is my religion.

Palazzo Versace, Gold Coast

Why Genies Are Wasted on Blondes

Red-headed friend to blonde friend: If I had a special power it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, seriously: If I had a special power I would have a microwave in my mouth so that I could cook anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Red-headed friend: You could never get salmonella again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It's my best idea yet!

Canada's Wonderland

Invented by Mister Newton.

Professor: So, I can see that some of you try to care about my feelings, and others don't give a fig.
Student #1: Whoa! Could you not use such harsh vegetables?
(entire class goes silent)
Student #2: I didn't know a “fig” was a vegetable.
Student #3: I thought it was a grape. A dried grape.

Johnson & Wales University
Providence, Rhode Island