Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

I'm Not Even Gonna Ask About Your Leash Collection

Grandmother: So my friend gave me dog biscuits for my birthday.
Teen girl: But you don't have a dog.
Grandmother: She knew I would appreciate them, dear.
Teen girl: And it isn't your birthday.
Grandmother: That doesn't matter. I was going to save them for the Boxer that young man brings around the home, but I got hungry around noon.
Teen girl: Oh no. You didn't.
Grandmother: What? It's not as if I ate them plain. I boiled a cup of coffee and dipped them.

Frammingham, Massachusetts

Raise Your Hand If You Know a Football Player Who Died Of a Heart Attack or Stroke

Football player #1: What are you getting?
Football player #2: I think I'm gonna get four hot dogs.
Football player #1: Dude! You're only supposed to eat three a week! It's like…the sodium or something. Three hot dogs have all the sodium you're supposed to have in a week.
Football player #2: You're fucking retarded! I'm getting four hot dogs and I'm gonna eat all four of them in their sodium goodness. Watch me.

Dining Hall, Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana

Overheard by: Colleen

And I'm the Dairy Queen.

Seven-year-old girl #1: Hey! There goes Angus!
Seven-year-old girl #2: Oooh, you are falling in love with him.
Seven-year-old girl #1: I am so not falling in love with him. He's allergic to dairy!

Australia

Overheard by: hahamama