Archive for the ‘Foreigners’ Category

There’s Noth­ing Like Mourn­ing Sex

Young Span­ish guy: So yeah, I met up with my ex Becky last night, we end­ed up hav­ing sex be­hind the phar­ma­cy.
Young white guy: I asked you to come hang out yes­ter­day but you said you had your grand­pa’s fu­ner­al!
Young Span­ish guy: I did have the fu­ner­al, but that was in the morn­ing.
Young white guy: So you had time to fuck Becky be­hind the phar­ma­cy but no time to hang out with me? Be­sides, you said you were close to your grand­pa. Should­n’t you have been mourn­ing?
Young Span­ish guy: So… does this mean I don’t get a high five?
Young white guy: *grudg­ing­ly high fives*.

Movie The­atre, Ot­tawa
Cana­da

Over­heard by: Ash

See? You’re Ob­vi­ous­ly a New York­er!

Niger­ian guy, jok­ing: Ha ha! Yeah, it’s prob­a­bly be­cause I am black, hey.
Amer­i­can girl: Oh my god, you can’t say that! You have to say “African-Amer­i­can.“
Niger­ian guy: But I’m not African-Amer­i­can; I’m Niger­ian. I sup­pose you could say “African”?
Amer­i­can girl: No, look, we learned it in el­e­men­tary school! It’s “African-Amer­i­can”!
Niger­ian guy: Okay… So you’re Scan­di­na­vian, by that ra­tio­nale.
Amer­i­can girl: No, I’m Amer­i­can! You’re African-Amer­i­can!
Eng­lish guy: Please shut the fuck up.

Cam­bridge
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Top­Cat

Must… Re­sist… “Widen­er”… Joke…

Dig­ni­fied mid­dle-aged for­eign­er to three stu­dents: Ex­cuse me, can you tell me — where is the pussy?
Grad stu­dent #1, while oth­er two laugh: Pusey Li­brary? You want Lev­el D, then make a right and go down the hall.
Dig­ni­fied mid­dle-aged for­eign­er: Thank you. How late is the pussy open?
Grad stu­dent #1, los­ing his com­po­sure: Um, yeah. You know, man, that re­al­ly de­pends on you. If you’re good, it’s open all night.

Widen­er Li­brary, Har­vard Uni­ver­si­ty
Cam­bridge, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: A.J.S.

It’s Time to Play How Long ‘Til His Head Ex­plodes!

French met­ro­sex­u­al, hold­ing up iPhone: It’s from Madame But­ter­fly. You know it?
French bike cop: Yeah, I saw the Amer­i­can movie of it. With that one ho­mo­sex­u­al ac­tor. Rob­bie… Robin…
British din­ner guest: Rob­bie Williams?
Amer­i­can din­ner guest: Robin Williams? Wait, he’s not gay…
French bike cop: Yes. Him.
British din­ner guest: That was Mrs Doubt­fire.
Amer­i­can din­ner guest: It’s called Pa­pil­lon in the US.
French met­ro­sex­u­al: What?

France

In the Mean­time All of Our Pop­si­cles Taste Like Mr. Wag­gles

Prof: So, how’s every­thing at home?
Ital­ian cafe work­er: My dog died.
Prof: Oh my god, I’m so sor­ry. Was he old?
Ital­ian cafe work­er: Yes. But I can’t bury him. The ground is frozen. There’s snow.
Prof: You could have him cre­mat­ed.
Ital­ian cafe work­er: I have him in my freez­er. I had to clear it out, my freez­er. All the food is out. I’m go­ing to keep him there ’til mud sea­son when I can bury him in the back­yard.
Prof: Oh.

Land­mark Col­lege
Put­ney, Ver­mont