Boy to friend: I’m totally capable of giving birth to a live teddy bear.
High School
Clarksville, Maryland
Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category
…Since I Accepted Homer Simpson As My Personal Savior
Teenage girl #1: He hates me.
Teenage girl #2: He doesn’t hate you. Maybe you should just say “hi” to him.
Teenage girl #1: How am I supposed to say “hi”? I have voices in my head saying “I want cheeseburgers”!
Canberra
Australia
Should’ve Realized He Wasn’t “Chosen” When He Never Got Picked for T‑Ball
Girl to friend: So he was already crying because he found out we weren’t Jewish. Then he was like, “But aunt Jill is Jewish! Why aren’t we?!” My mom had to explain that Jill’s her best friend, not her sister. So then he found out we weren’t related to Jacob and everyone. So he cried even harder.
Friend: Wow.
Girl: Yeah, but he was like 10, so he should have just sucked it up.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Tyler
“Tulsa” Spelled Backwards Is “a Slut”– Coincidence?
Teen girl to friend: I’m too sexy for my vulva.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
I’ve Practiced on My Lifesized “Seven of Nine” Doll
Nerdy teen #1: So you just sort of put your hands down her pants and rub up behind her.
Nerdy teen #2 (nodding): Yeah. I know what you mean.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: iloveholidays
An Inflatable Friend
Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry… and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it’d never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along…
Holland, Michigan
Or at Least on the Photos We’ll Be Passing Out
Hot chick to another: You look so good! Guys will be jerking off on you tonight!
Vallejo Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
While You, Me, and Dupre Taught Me to Value Threesomes
Cute girl to friend: But I don’t want a booty call! (pause) But the message of the notebook made me realize how important they are.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Anna
In the Hamptons, That’s a Marriage Proposal
Guy from inside Port-A-Potty: Oh, shit, I just dropped my BlackBerry in there!
Friend: Oh, man, what are you gonna do?!
Guy: Well, somebody’s got to stick their hand in there!
Dude waiting in line: I think I’ll use the other one. I don’t want to be the first person to piss on your BlackBerry.
Rock the Farm Benefit
East Hampton, New York
Typhoid Mary Was Also an Avid Bowler
Woman at table dining with friend: I mean, I love infectious diseases, don’t get me wrong, but that’s not my life.
Red Restaurant
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: kyndgrrl
