I Guess I Nev­er Re­al­ly Thought of Sim­ba in Those Terms

Girl #1: Even when I was a lit­tle kid I knew it was Chris­t­ian pro­pa­gan­da. I was like, “Hey, this li­on is Je­sus!“
Girl #2: That was great, say it again.
Girl #1: This li­on is Je­sus!

AMC Cen­tu­ry City

Mavis Re­turns to the Qui­et Dig­ni­ty Of Ice Cream

Woman to friend: I can­not even be­gin to tell you about the ridicu­lous­ness of yo­gurt.

The Gay­bor­hood
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: in­quir­ing mind

Try Read­ing to Them or Some­thing

Loud girl to friend: Calm your nip­ples, bitch!

Hunt­ing­ton, New York

Over­heard by: Sarah

Al­most As If Drink­ing Af­fect­ed My Judg­ment in Some Way

Guy #1: I once tried to hit on a chick while I was drunk and throw­ing up, but now that’s just a fun sto­ry I tell and no­body lost their re­spect for me.
Guy #2: Ex­cept for the girl you were hit­ting on.
Guy #1: Well, I don’t know. Her nick­name was “dick­tooth.”

Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Claire

That’s Your Year­book Quote?

Teenage girl to friends: The groin is the eye, no?
Teen friend: The eyes are the groin of the face!
First teen: Right!

Fer­ry
Lark­spur, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: I Know, I know

Or Gave Me Re­li­gious Pam­phlets. I For­get.

20-some­thing girl: Do you re­mem­ber that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he mo­tor-boat­ed me.

Can­i­sius Col­lege
Buf­fa­lo, New York

And Pos­si­bly a Few Sex Hats

Girl to friend: I need some cute shirts that I can just throw on and like…jerk off in.

H&M
Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: XT

War­ren Beat­ty Should Stop Hav­ing Work Done

Tall, skin­ny kid: He’s…like…suspiciously Asian.
Tall skin­ny friend: That’s what I thought too!

Ar­by’s
Tempe, Ari­zona

That’s What I Got You Last Year

Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birth­day, ba­by? I can make it hap­pen, just tell me what you want!
Re­al­ly, re­al­ly drunk birth­day girl, point­ing at some­one else: I want in that guy’s pants!

Nor­folk, Vir­ginia

Still, No­body Bet­ter Lay a Fin­ger on My But­tfin­ger­er

Teenage girl to friend: And then he stuck his fin­ger up my butt, and said “Oh, yeah, do you like that, babe?“
Friend: See, there you go. If you don’t sit a guy down and tell him not to go up your butt, he will. Look at you, you’re butt-fin­gered.

Sub­way Store
Mait­land
Aus­tralia