Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

Or the Poor Baby Jesus

Amused girl: Okay, so the dog sits on the hay but it doesn’t want to eat the hay. Meanwhile, it pees on the hay and leaves its doggy smell on the hay… Now, the horse comes along and wants to eat the hay, but the hay smells of doggy piss so the horse can’t eat it… You, my dear, are the horse. Haha!
Annoyed girl: At least I’m not the piss.

Florida

If You Want Me to Listen to That Shit, You Gotta Buy Me Bacon

Redhead punk: Oh, God, the first guy I ever had sex with did that to me… Well, actually, that’s not true. He took my technical virginity. I actually lost my anal virginity first to another guy.
Blonde hipster friend: [Silence.]Redhead punk: Yeah. So anyway, what happened was–
Blonde hipster friend, suddenly eating vigorously: –Mmm, French toast!

Denny’s
Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: lost my appetite

That Damn Third Commandment Always Trips Me Up

Good Catholic schoolboy to friend who just recited a really long prayer: Good job! You only missed one word. This one can be really hard and you almost got it perfect.
Bad Catholic schoolboy: God dammit! Jesus Christ, I'm never gonna get this bullshit memorized!

Goretti-Neumann High
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: lora

Wouldn't Want People to Think I'm Less Than a Lady

20-year-old female emo: So basically, after hours of arguing outside his house, I was so fed up I told him to fucking suck my dick.
30-year-old female friend: Wow, what happened after that?
20-year-old female emo: I left. He was being such a fucking cunt. I wanted to piss in his mouth. He made me drive home drunk!
30-year-old female friend: He could at least offer to like, let you spend the night.
20-year-old female friend: Like, I don't even know, he's such a bitch boyfriend. I honestly hopes he gets the herpes.
30-year-old female friend: You have such a dirty mouth.
20-year-old female emo: Oh, is my lipstick smudged or something?

Starbucks
San Francisco, California