Archive for the ‘Fruit’ Category

Were We Ever?

Fe­male stu­dent #1: You sure you want me to feed you this ba­nana?
Fe­male stu­dent #2: Get on with it, will you?
Fe­male stu­dent #1: This thing’s pret­ty big. I would­n’t want to choke you.
Fe­male stu­dent #2: Don’t wor­ry about it. I’ve had much big­ger.
Youngish pro­fes­sor: (rais­es eye­brows)
Fe­male stu­dent #2: You think I’m kid­ding? I’ve had some pret­ty big ones. Think you can give me a big­ger one?
Youngish pro­fes­sor (blush­ing): Um, pos­si­bly.
Fe­male stu­dent #2: Well, I’d like to see that.
Fe­male stu­dent #3: Um, are we still talk­ing about ba­nanas here?

UC­SC, Cal­i­for­nia

More Women With Dirt­i­er Minds Than Men

Girl #1, point­ing to bag of peanuts: Are those your nuts?
Girl #2: No, they’re Bob’s* nuts.
[brief pause, then both girls be­gin laugh­ing hysterically]Girl #1, af­ter a few min­utes: That was the stu­pid­est thing ever.
Girl #2: You know you liked it.

Oak­land, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: I laughed be­cause I did­n’t know what was go­ing on

Hel­lo? I’m Eat­ing a Cu­cum­ber Sand­wich With No Crusts!

Guy #1: What are those, zuc­chi­ni?
Guy #2, with sand­wich: No, they’re cu­cum­bers.
Girl: Oh please, they’re like the same thing.
Guy #2: No, they’re to­tal­ly dif­fer­ent. Not every phal­lic-shaped green veg­etable is the same thing.
Girl (paus­es): Why does every­thing have to be about penis­es with you?

San Diego, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: i just came here to clean the air ducts

Gold­en Show­ers Count As “An­i­mal,” Right?

Mid-20s girl: So, I’ve been a veg­e­tar­i­an for about six years now and I’m try­ing to phase out all an­i­mal prod­ucts.
Mid-40s woman: Oh, I could nev­er be a veg­e­tar­i­an, I’d die. I like my pota­toes too much.
Mid-20s girl: Umm… Pota­toes are veg­eta­bles.
Mid-40s woman: Yeah, I guess you’re right. But I mean like peas and stuff.

Koko­mo, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Justin