That’s for Church

Four-year-old boy to group of moth­ers: Guess what!
Group: What?
Four-year-old boy, ex­cit­ed: I just peed stand­ing up!
Boy’s fa­ther: That’s not some­thing we tell peo­ple!

Chil­dren’s Room, Ka­ton­ah Li­brary
Ka­ton­ah, New York

Over­heard by: amused li­brar­i­an

A Dick­ta­tor­ship?

Pro­fes­sor: So Rus­sia had this re­al­ly phal­lus-ori­ent­ed sys­tem of gov­ern­ment…

Uni­ver­si­ty
New­found­land
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Mel

Could You Leave Me Alone with This for a Few Min­utes?

Drunk man to man hold­ing rolled-up news­pa­per: There’s a kind of phal­lic-ness about it, a sort of mas­cu­line qual­i­ty…

The Ship Inn, South­bank
Bris­bane
Aus­tralia

You Can’t Shame Me In­to the Army

Col­lege guy: I’m scared!
Col­lege girl: Just do it!
Col­lege guy: No, I’m scared!
Col­lege girl: Be a man!
Col­lege guy: I don’t wan­na!

Sal­is­bury, Mary­land

Hey, You Try to Ne­go­ti­ate the Aisles While Ap­ply­ing Eye­lin­er

Fe­male flight at­ten­dant (man­ag­ing to bump bev­er­age cart in­to a seat): Whoops, sor­ry! Woman dri­ver!

Flight over Hon­olu­lu, Hawaii

Over­heard by: Ga­by Young

Com­pet­ing on Any Re­al­i­ty Show, in a Nut­shell

Guy: It’s like play­ing hop­scotch with your shirt off and the lit­tle kids are like: “Mom­my, look at his boo­bies!” and I’m like: “Yeah. Look at my boo­bies.”

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/293774936/that-is-a-disturbing-pastime.html

Over­heard by: well that’s neat

You Must Be Gay, Then

Boy: So, do you have a boyfriend?
Cute, chub­by girl, with sus­pi­cion: No…
Boy: Can I get your num­ber?
Girl: No.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I’m gay.
Boy: Oh… Re­al­ly?
Girl: No. Sor­ry. Creep­er re­flex.
Boy: So you wan­na go out?
Girl: No.

Star­bucks
Man­hat­tan, New York

So You and the Doc­tors Keep Say­ing…

Small child en­ter­ing re­stroom: Mom, why can’t we go to the boys’ room? Be­cause I’ve got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!

Sushi Restau­rant
Kansas City, Kansas

Over­heard by: zom­bie z

Ever Seen a Cooch Do Three Snaps in Z‑Formation?

Girl: Ryan, if you had a vagi­na, what would she wear?
Boy: She? What if I had a male vagi­na?
Boy #2: Oh, he would be so sassy!

Mel­bourne, Flori­da

Over­heard by: Livi

And Al­so Like All the Men in Troy

Girl #1: I used to shave my armpits be­fore I even had hair, just to feel like a woman. You know?
Girl #2: (nods)

Guelph
Cana­dia