Archive for the ‘Getting off’ Category

Your Hon­or, I Was On­ly Fol­low­ing His In­struc­tions

Small Mex­i­can man in hot dog suit: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me.
20-ish chick wait­ing to cross street: No, thank you.
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me!
20-ish chick: No, re­al­ly — thank you, but I’ll pass. [Mut­ter­ing] God, will this light ever change?!
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me!

Wrigley Field
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Cubs Fan

… Doug

Man on cell: So, are we see­ing a chick flick tonight? … Am I gonna get any play af­ter­wards? … Sweet, I’ll see you lat­er.

Should We In­vite Her?

Dude #1: Dude, did you see Rachel in class to­day? Smokin’!
Dude #2: Yeah… I’m to­tal­ly go­ing to wack off to her spring break pics on Face­book tonight.
Dude #1: She put up spring break pics? Me too, then…

James Madi­son Uni­ver­si­ty
Har­rison­burg, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Odi­nUSMC

I Could Give a Damn How Mom Feels

Creep­ster #1: You know what’s re­al­ly hot?
Creep­ster #2: What?
Creep­ster #1: Sniff­ing a sexy chick­’s un­der­wear.
Creep­ster #2: Yeah, man.
Creep­ster #1: So you do it, too? I do it af­ter sex when she leaves the room.
Creep­ster #2: Yeah, me, too… But usu­al­ly it’s my mom’s un­der­wear, so my girl­friend does­n’t get weird­ed out.

“Ethics Of Video Games?” Ex­cuse Us.

Ethics of video games pro­fes­sor: And that’s why they stoned women in the mid­dle ages. Brunette, whis­per­ing: I think he gets off on video games.
Blonde, whis­per­ing: Ham?
Brunette, whis­per­ing: Him!
Blonde, whis­per­ing: I am not a ham!
(both girls start laugh­ing)
Pro­fes­sor: Ex­cuse me?

De­Paul Uni­ver­si­ty
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Mar­go