Professor: What would you guys do if I told you that a giant fish was going to eat you on your way home?
Girl: Hide?
Professor: No! You’d all go out and have sex! I mean besides sleeping, eating, and having sex, what else do you need to do? You’re just taking this class so later in life you can sleep in a better place, eat better food, and have sex with someone hotter!
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michgan
Overheard by: Kelli
Girl on cell: ’cause I kinda cut off my balls…
Boston Common
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: she didn’t look trannyish
Girl #1, in stall: Have you ever had sex?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh. Does your classroom smell?
Delaware County Community College
Pennsylvania
Muslim girl: I’m really emo, but you couldn’t tell from looking at me.
Other girl: Really?
Muslim girl: Yeah, but I don’t cut myself. Well, technically. It depends what you mean by cutting yourself.
University of Toronto
Toronto
Canadia
Girl: She has vagina legs.
Guy friend: How does she have vagina legs?
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Stoned girl at party: I don’t think I’m gonna call him back, he was fingering me in pretty rapey way.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Girl, getting wash and cut: Then I was walking around for a few months without an elbow.
Stylist: Wow!
Girl: So finally in July they put my elbow back in.
Stylist: Well, that’s good.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: porkchop on a stick
Sorority girl #1: I may as well go around and sleep with all the people everyone thinks I’m sleeping with…
Sorority girl #2: I would *so* not judge you for that.
Bryant University
Smithfield, Rhode Island
Teen girl to friend: She doesn’t even know what she wants! She just likes to text Scott because it makes her feel pretty.
Forever 21
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Birthday girl: Not to be mean, but I’m kind of glad Jeff* can’t come to my birthday party. Now I can invite Kelly*.
Friend: Why couldn’t you before? Not enough seats?
Birthday girl (long pause): No. Because Jeff’s brother got her sister pregnant.
Friend: Oh, yeah.
University of Notre Dame
Notre Dame, Indiana
Overheard by: iz
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
