Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category

Or, As Much So As Dan­ny De­Vi­to and Arnold Schwarzeneg­ger

Guy: My sis­ter and I are twins, but I was born first.
Woman #1: Do you mean you just came out first?
Guy: Well, see, what hap­pened was I am two years old­er than my sis­ter. [Every­one stares at each other.]Woman #2: … So you and your sis­ter are twins, but she is two years younger?
Guy: Oh, wait, I’m get­ting con­fused with an­oth­er fam­i­ly sto­ry. I am two years old­er than my sis­ter, but I’m pret­ty sure we’re not twins, ei­ther.

900 West Val­ley Road
Wayne, Penn­syl­va­nia

…So Now Joe and I Are Dat­ing.

Nine-year-old: Lo­gan al­most got a girl­friend!
Six-year-old: Re­al­ly?
Nine-year-old: Yep. Re­mem­ber Court­ney?
Six-year-old: With the glass­es?
Nine-year-old: Yeah. He asked her out on the bus, but she said no. Af­ter that, Joe was like, “I want a girl­friend,” and I was like, “yeah, I know. Me, too, bud­dy. Me, too.”

Swim­ming Pool
Louisiana

Ac­tu­al­ly, They’re On­ly Per­fect If She Blows

Blonde: Even though he had al­ready made a trail of hick­ies around my neck, he was ap­par­ent­ly still in the suck­ing mood, be­cause then he stole my lol­lipop!
Friend: That’s so not cool. He’s such a suck-o-holic!
Blonde: Se­ri­ous­ly! I’m be­gin­ning to think there is­n’t any­thing he won’t suck.
Passer­by: Well, then you’re per­fect for each oth­er, be­cause I’ve heard the same thing about you.

Mt. Ver­non, Iowa

Over­heard by: Ab­by

Did It Bring the Boys to the Yard?

Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her moth­er walked in and she was you-know-what-ing… with the milk­shake mak­er!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was — y’­know — us­ing it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: … Did she make a milk­shake with it af­ter­wards?

New­town, NSW
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: buz­z­cut