In This World There Are No Un­mixed Bless­ings

Chick: I love go­ing to the Jim­my Buf­fet con­cert, but every year some­one throws up on my shoes.

In line at Kroger’s
Cincin­nati, Ohio

Now Who Wants Ice Cream?

Ad­min­is­tra­tor (mum­bling to her­self): Maybe I should just fire every­one here. (opens a draw­er) Oh, here’s my spoon. Okay, maybe every­one can keep their jobs.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/431193022/its-my-special-spoon.html

Over­heard by: spoon.

And Don’t Get Me Start­ed on the Blood, Dawg

Pas­tor, plac­ing a piece of bread in guy’s hand: The body of Christ, giv­en to you.
Teen girl, just in earshot: The body be stale, yo.
Teen girl’s friend: I hear ya.

St. Jude’s Church
Oakville, On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Fee­briel

Said She’s Too Old to Start Wear­ing Pleather Again

Old la­dy to an­oth­er: Mary start­ed cry­ing be­cause she thought they were tak­ing her back to New Jer­sey.

Piz­za Shop
Li­ma, Penn­syl­va­nia

Should­n’t This Be Eleven­teen

Sta­tis­tics pro­fes­sor writ­ing on board: I’ll leave the num­bers out be­cause I al­ways get them wrong any­way.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Chica­go
Illi­nois

Over­heard by: too ear­ly for this class

Us­ing a Venus Ra­zor Does Not Make You a God­dess, Ms. Pratt

Eng­lish teacher: It’s a big re­spon­si­bil­i­ty to be a god­dess, it trou­bles me all the time.

A.C. Flo­ra High School
Co­lum­bia, South Car­oli­na

All I Said Was, “Stop Do­ing It in My Class”

Girl: Are you se­ri­ous­ly telling me how I should mas­tur­bate? When did you be­come a sex tyrant?

MIT
Cam­bridge, Mass­a­chu­setts

You’re Not Sure What to Bite Off First

Chick to friend: I re­al­ly thought the choco­late Je­sus with the gi­ant dick would sell!

Mis­souri State Uni­ver­si­ty
Spring­field, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: Car­ri Jo

Maybe You Could Throw a Few of Those Stalk­ers My Way?

Girl #1: I hate be­ing stalked over Face­book. They’re al­so creepy guys that I’m not in­ter­est­ed in. They are just wast­ing their time and mine.
Girl #2: It can’t be that bad, can it?
Girl #1: You don’t un­der­stand — you’re not pret­ty like me.

http://overheardina2.blogspot.com/2006/08/facebook-stalking.html

Over­heard by: kol­by

That’s the Foun­tain on the Right

Loud guy in restau­rant: So, we were out shop­ping and there were all these women in burkas tak­ing pic­tures of each oth­er. How fuck­ing point­less is that? It’s not like they’re go­ing to look back af­ter­wards and go, ‘Oh, look, there’s Doris by the foun­tain!’

Eng­land