Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category

Mom Has Very High Standards

Lazy girl: So, I told my mom that you and I were going to take tennis lessons together in the summer.
Workout friend: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Lazy girl: She just laughed at me.
Workout friend: Why?
Lazy friend: She said I was too slow, uncoordinated, and she didn’t outright say it, but I’m sure she thinks I’m mildly retarded.

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: A mild case of the ADD

I’m Tryin’ to Cause a Scene Over Here!

College dude: She needs to get her fuckin’ face smashed in. She’s such a stupid bitch.
Friend: Who?
College dude: Janet*. I fuckin’ hate her. This is fuckin’ bullshit. [To other friend across the library] Hey, shut the fuck up down there!

577 Western Avenue
Westfield, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Annie

But It Was a Planned Incarceration

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa

Overheard by: Casey

My Mom Is So Not the Boss of Me

Guy on cell, buying whipped cream, 24-pack of beer, and box of condoms: I am so over that bitch. Yeah, tonight is gonna be great! Finally, a night where I can do whatever I want without her bitching about it. Yeah, come over whenever. And bring some friends.

Grocery store
Syracuse, New York