Girl: But I showered for you this morning!
Boyfriend: So you don’t want to go?
Girl: I didn’t say that, but you made me get cleaned up this morning, and now I’m just going to get dirty. You better pay my water bill, for all these showers you make me take.
Quiznos
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Believes in no-strings-attached hygene
Five-year-old boy, calling to mother in bathroom stall: Mom, we need to talk about something.
Mom: Can it wait?
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mom: What is it?
Five-year-old boy: I need more credit. You don’t give me enough credit for the things I do, and my feathers are simply getting ruffled by this.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Laughing
Queer #1: He punched him in the face right in the middle of Banana Republic.
Queer #2: That is so damn rude.
University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Girl #1: Do you think anyone’s like… Actually a good person?
[long pause]Girl #2: Ugh, my stomach really hurts today.
Drew University
Madison, New Jersey
Male flight attendant: This will be a miserable flight. It’ll be really turbulent and then we’ll end up in New Jersey.
Flight into Newark Airport
Old lady #1: I’ve never liked her!
Old lady #2: She was a shit at school, and she’s a shit now.
West Midlands
England
Elderly woman: You know… It’s so hard to eat pancakes in the nude!
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: SB
20-something girl: My ass hurts and my throat is sore. I also feel very underwhelmed.
San Francisco, California
Mom to five-year-old: I don’t like Oprah Winfrey, because it’s her fault Obama is President.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: David Leech
Chipper girl: I tell the sex workers that they can wear the female condom before going out. You can wear it for, like, three hours. They are kind of loud, though — they crinkle! Sex is awkward, anyway.
Women’s health class, American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
