Old teacher, about middle school student: Johnny’s fine until he has an audience. Then he gets all gang-bangy and tries to screw Mrs. Smith.
Young teacher: Please don’t ever say that again.
Restaurant
Redlands, California
Archive for the ‘Grumpies’ Category
Most Emmy Winners Would’ve Preferred That Too
Moody college girl on phone: No, I have to go the macro class right now and pretend to be a Republican. If you don’t agree with the professor, you’re wrong.
(pause)
Moody college girl: Yeah, if I can pull this off I deserve an Emmy, or an Oscar. Hell, I’ll take a cookie!
Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts
And Here I Sit with the Stubble of My Dreams
Angry neighbor: Well, obviously he didn’t appreciate the shaved vagina, or he would have called.
Elizabeth Street
Derby, Connecticut
…Or Retarded
Loud woman with arms in air: Happy New Year! Happy New Year!
Grumpy man: Fuckin’ drunks!
Loud woman: I’m not drunk, I’m Canadian!
Canal Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
…If She Tries to Get Out Of Going to Preschool Again.
Guy on cell, very angrily: Fuck you! (then suddenly calm) Well, that’s what I was thinking of saying to her…
Brighton
England
You’re Lucky I’m Coordinated Enough to Thrust
Annoyed guy: You want me to talk to you during sex?! Let’s do it on the kitchen counter! That way I can make you an omelet, too, while we’re at it!
Cypress Run apartments
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: likes it in the kitchen
Traditional Women Expect a High Return on Their Investment
20-something artist: She’s pretty puritanical for someone who gets naked for money.
Portland, Oregon
Carrying around a Dead Cat Also Works
Guy: Have you ever wanted to just die for a day, just so people would leave you alone?
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Andrew Nagy
I Roll My Own
Woman: You can’t lay a guilt trip on me! I was raised Catholic!
http://community.livejournal.com/overheardincali/27699.html
Delta Burke Saw His Point
Bum women: Do you have bus fare? I need bus fare.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t have any change.
Bum: Well, fuck you, you fat, scheming, cheap bitches!
Main Street
Hartford, Connecticut
