Most Em­my Win­ners Would’ve Pre­ferred That Too

Moody col­lege girl on phone: No, I have to go the macro class right now and pre­tend to be a Re­pub­li­can. If you don’t agree with the pro­fes­sor, you’re wrong.
(pause)
Moody col­lege girl: Yeah, if I can pull this off I de­serve an Em­my, or an Os­car. Hell, I’ll take a cook­ie!

North­east­ern Uni­ver­si­ty
Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

And Here I Sit with the Stub­ble of My Dreams

An­gry neigh­bor: Well, ob­vi­ous­ly he did­n’t ap­pre­ci­ate the shaved vagi­na, or he would have called.

Eliz­a­beth Street
Der­by, Con­necti­cut

…Or Re­tard­ed

Loud woman with arms in air: Hap­py New Year! Hap­py New Year!
Grumpy man: Fuckin’ drunks!
Loud woman: I’m not drunk, I’m Cana­di­an!

Canal Street
New Or­leans, Louisiana

…If She Tries to Get Out Of Go­ing to Preschool Again.

Guy on cell, very an­gri­ly: Fuck you! (then sud­den­ly calm) Well, that’s what I was think­ing of say­ing to her…

Brighton
Eng­land

You’re Lucky I’m Co­or­di­nat­ed Enough to Thrust

An­noyed guy: You want me to talk to you dur­ing sex?! Let’s do it on the kitchen counter! That way I can make you an omelet, too, while we’re at it!

Cy­press Run apart­ments
Tam­pa, Flori­da

Over­heard by: likes it in the kitchen

Tra­di­tion­al Women Ex­pect a High Re­turn on Their In­vest­ment

20-some­thing artist: She’s pret­ty pu­ri­tan­i­cal for some­one who gets naked for mon­ey.

Port­land, Ore­gon

Car­ry­ing around a Dead Cat Al­so Works

Guy: Have you ever want­ed to just die for a day, just so peo­ple would leave you alone?

Ursi­nus Col­lege
Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: An­drew Nagy

I Roll My Own

Woman: You can’t lay a guilt trip on me! I was raised Catholic!

http://community.livejournal.com/overheardincali/27699.html

Delta Burke Saw His Point

Bum women: Do you have bus fare? I need bus fare.
Woman: Sor­ry, I don’t have any change.
Bum: Well, fuck you, you fat, schem­ing, cheap bitch­es!

Main Street
Hart­ford, Con­necti­cut

…But Is­n’t That Why I’m Here?

Cheer­ful stu­dent: Cheer up! It’s go­ing to be okay.
Glum pro­fes­sor: Says who? You?
Cheer­ful stu­dent: Yes!
Glum pro­fes­sor: But you don’t know any­thing.
Cheer­ful stu­dent: True!

UC Berke­ley School of Jour­nal­ism
Cal­i­for­nia