Archive for the ‘Hobos’ Category

In the Mean­time, Would You Like to Take My Card?

Wild­ly beard­ed hobo rid­ing rusty bi­cy­cle and wear­ing on­ly one shoe and para­chute pants: Why, hel­lo miss. Would you be in­ter­est­ed in en­ter­ing in­to a mu­tu­al­ly ben­e­fi­cial body mas­sage arrange­ment?
Sur­prised, red­head­ed woman: Uh­h­h­hh, not to­day, thank you.
Hobo: I’ll try back lat­er.

Queen West
Toron­to
Cana­dia

For­mer Kinder­garten Teach­ers Make Quite Ef­fi­cient Ho­bos

Hobo #1, hold­ing sneak­er, to an­oth­er: Put that shoe on!
Hobo #2: Man, I don’t want to sweat in the shoe. That’ll make my feet stink!
Hobo #1: Man, what the fuck you wor­ried about? Your feet al­ready stink. I can smell them from here. Those peo­ple can smell them from here. Now put on your god­damn shoes and tie that shit up tight. No one wants to smell what you got. Now I’m go­ing to stand here and watch you tie those shoes for the good of every­one on this train.
(oth­ers on train ap­plaud)

MAR­TA Train
At­lanta, Geor­gia

Over­heard by: Fi­nal­ly, a hu­man­i­tar­i­an home­less man

Can I Get a Swig?

Hobo: Girl, I know you’re a freak! All red­heads are freaks!
Brunette hip­ster pump­ing gas: Step off. What I do is none of your busi­ness.
Hobo: La­dy, I’m just talk­ing shit ’cause I’m drunk.
Brunette hip­ster: Me, too.

Kansas City, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: cus­py

Yeah, I’ve Had to Tell Tom­my Hil­figer’s Peo­ple No

Hobo #1, hold­ing gal­lon of wa­ter: I’ve been try­ing to drink a lot of wa­ter. You need to clear that tox­ic shit out. You col­lect lots of, uh, what they called? En­dorse­ments. Your body just builds up these en­dorse­ments, and they poi­son you! I think that’s what they’re called… You know what I mean?
Hobo #2: [Nods know­ing­ly.]

San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Rich

The Lega­cy of En­ron

Bel­liger­ent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bath­room door! Get back here, or I’ll pull out my 401(k) on you!

418 East 34th Street
In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana