Punk: Why don’t they have a Father’s Day card that says, ‘Dad, you suck. Happy Father’s Day’?
Greensboro, North Carolina
Archive for the ‘Holidays’ Category
Anybody Have Any Bread?
(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it’s April 1st) Haha… His consumption smells like raspberries.
Colorado University, Boulder
Overheard by: In the back of the classroom
Burned My Eyebrows Off More Than Once
Girl #1: It’s like those candy cigarettes you used to get at Halloween. It teaches kids bad principles.
Girl #2: Those taste like crap anyway.
Guy: Yeah, and they never catch.
Boone, North Carolina
The Angel of Midterms Spares Jared
Professor: I’ve decided to move the midterm to next week, because apparently we are missing a substantial amount of Jews.
Student to friend: Holy crap! Passover just saved my ass!
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: BECKEKE
How Many Things Are Wrong With This Quote? Show Your Work.
Guy: Ohmigod, you don’t look Jewish, I wouldn’t have known if you didn’t tell me.
Girl: Awww, thanks!
Guy: So what are you doing for the holidays?
Girl: Christmas isn’t about Jesus…
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bernadette
Amen, Sister
Coworker, about Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve: For people our age it’s just not New Year’s until we see Dick.
Sanford, Florida
Isn’t That Cute?
Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!
http://zipster.wordpress.com/2007/08/15/overheard-on-the-plane-as-we-were-landing-in-puerto-vallarta/
Overheard by: The Zipster
I Figure Since He Died for Me, I May As Well Give Him Something Nice to Look At
Man: I’m giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you’re concerned with your figure?
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Maggie
And a Fun and Flirty One
Girl, returning from holidays in America: So yeah, I got put in actual jail.
Friend: For drinking on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the orange jumpsuit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I didn’t like to ask, to be honest. Would’ve been a savage souvenir, though.
UCC Campus
Ireland
…And a Very Merry Anal-Fisting.
Good looking dude, walking up to friend: Cunnilingus!
Good looking friend: And cunnilingus to you too.
Wits University
Johannesburg
South Africa
