Archive for the ‘Hoochies’ Category

But It Was a Planned In­car­cer­a­tion

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t be­lieve we are not hang­ing out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re sup­posed to be hang­ing out with me. We nev­er hang out any­more and we are boyfriend and girl­friend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were sup­posed to hang out this past Sat­ur­day and Sun­day but we did­n’t! You were not fuck­ing there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Mutha­fuck­er you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State Uni­ver­si­ty, Iowa

Over­heard by: Casey

You Nev­er Know When Mr. Right Will Fall In­to Your Vagi­na

Hoochie #1: That’s why I don’t wear panties with tight skirts; I need max­i­mum mass, max­i­mum jig­gle.
Hoochie #2: That’s al­so why you al­ways flashin’ your busi­ness, look­ing like a ho.
Hoochie #1: So? What you do­ing up in that club–gettin’ drunk? (laughs)

Hol­ly­wood, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Misto­pher

The Old Good Cock/Bad Cock Rou­tine

Chat­ty la­dy: So, did I tell you I was get­ting mar­ried?
Man: That’s great. I’m hap­py for you.
Chat­ty la­dy: Yeah, I’m hav­ing a hard time giv­ing up my old boyfriend, though. He re­al­ly un­der­stands the way I like to be dom­i­nat­ed in bed. The sex is just sooo good, I’m not sure I can stop see­ing him.
Man: Uh­hh, yeah, I guess I can un­der­stand that.
Chat­ty la­dy: Yeah, I guess I’m just in a monog­a­mous re­la­tion­ship with two men.

Birm­ing­ham, Al­aba­ma