Drunk girl in bar during Rose Bowl: It’s official–I’m going to be ovulating on my wedding day.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Double V
Archive for the ‘Illinois’ Category
She Was Like, “Your Dad Really Enjoys Puttin’ on the Ritz, Honey!”
20-something girl to table of people: And I was like, “Whoa, mom–your nipples are like top hats!”
Kasey’s Tavern
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sara
Roseanne Barr: The Flight Attendant Years
Angry suit: When is this plane going to take off? I have a very important meeting to get to!
Flight attendant: The incoming plane is delayed, sir, there’s nothing we can do at the moment.
Angry suit: Well, are you going to make arrangements for me to get on another flight? This is urgent! Do you know who I am?
Flight attendant (over loudspeaker): Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, there is a gentleman at the desk who does not know who he is. If anyone has any information about his identity, please come forward.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
The Secession of New York Is Just Wishful Thinking
Confused chick: Excuse me, sir, I don’t know which line to go into… This says ‘resident,’ but I’m not from here — I’m from New York.
Homeland Security agent: It’s still this line.
O’Hare Airport immigration line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: amused traveller
Marijuana Wouldn’t Be Any Fun Without It.
History professor: In New York the exit signs are red. They’re like, “Fire! Get out!” In California the exit signs are green. They’re like, “Dude, if you wanna get out, cool. If you like fire, if that’s your thing, that’s okay, too.”
Aurora, Illinois
9 Out Of 10 Dentists Disapprove Of Their Relationship
Guy: I was really pissed off. Then you bit me on the shoulder. Three times.
Girl: (laughs hysterically)
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: University Peon
Would You Like to Borrow My Slinky?
Girl #1: Yeah, and so I threw the Internet cord from the top of the fire escape down to the bottom instead of walking all the way down. It was pretty exciting.
Girl #2: Ummm, okay then…
Girl #1: Well, it was okay! It’s like throwing a baby down the stairs — you know you shouldn’t, but you do it anyway!
Girl #2: Okay…
Illinois
How to Say “I Love You” Like a Chicago Native
Man in t‑shirt and jeans: Wait. Can I just be myself for one minute here? Can I?
Woman in classy cocktail dress: I don’t know, can you?
Man in t‑shirt and jeans: [Farts loudly.]
Halsted Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Bardley
Another Year or So and I’ll Be a Sophomore, Though
Male student to female, exiting class: I think maybe I’m just wasting my parents’ money.
Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois
Overheard by: Muindi F. Muindi
I’m Still Not Telling
Chick pointing at port-a-potty: Well, I guess I’m going to the bathroom now.
Dude: Do you fold or crumple?
Chick: This conversation has gone too far for me.
Dude: I fold. Well, depends on my mood.
Union Park
Chicago, Illinois
