35-year-old man: Do you know what I did for you? I left my home, my wife. I cheated because I was cheated on, I know what that’s like. You’re turning 30, you need a man, what’s a woman at 30? You’re alone!
28-year-old woman: You’re having a midlife crisis. Women don’t get those. I’m there for you, like, “you should stop at three drinks because you’re a terrible drunk.“
35-year-old man: You’d do that for me?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Matt
Economics professor: I don’t judge others’ lifestyles. (pause) I mean…unless they are a total trainwreck.
Illinois State University
Lady to friend: So I told him… ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!
Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Girl changing after gym: Oh my god! My underwear’s, like, glowing inside my pants!
Lockport Township High School
Lockport, Illinois
Eight-year-old looking at costume display: Who’s Kukla, Mommy?
Mom, solemnly: Nobody knows, honey.
Fantasy Costumes
Chicago, Illinois
Teen girl: Yeah… But, I mean, he peed on her! He lifted up his skirt and peed on her!
Hinsdale Central High School
Hinsdale, Illinois
Overheard by: Christina Newkirk
Girl: I hated him so much I pissed in his bed.
Guy: What happens if you really like them?
Lincoln Park, Illinois
Overheard by: olly
Drunk guy #1 (looking at girl’s patterned shirt): Woah, what is on your shirt? It’s so confusing.
Girl: It’s just a bunch of overlapping circles.
Drunk guy #1: It looks like never-ending sunsets!
Drunk guy #2: It looks like angry rainbows!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
16-year-old: Mom, if you don’t have herpes, why’d I find Valtrex in your purse?
Mother, seriously: I got Valtrex from the eye doctor for my yeast infection, Kim*.
Illinois
Little girl: (talking over airport announcement)
Father: Quiet for a second!
Girl: (continues talking until announcement is over)
Father: Great. What if he was saying “Run! Zombies!”? We’ll be sitting here like idiots while the zombies come…
O’Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
