Archive for the ‘Illinois’ Category

… My Minimum Penis Requirement

Drunk blonde: So, what do you think of American women?
Irish guy: Well, I don’t know how to say this delicately, but I prefer American men.
Drunk blonde: Mhmmm… So, do you have a girlfriend back home?
Irish guy: I’m not sure you quite understand…

Chicago, Illinois

God, You're So Competitive, Jason!

Ditzy woman: It would look more like Australia if it was an island, because Australia is an island… right?
Ditzy woman's daughter: I think that's the smartest thing that's ever been said in my presence.
Ditzy woman: Well, somebody in this family has to be brilliant.
Four-year-old boy: Dogs are kinda like vampires because they both have pointy teeth.

Harrisburg, Illinois

…To Cut Coke with

Girl #1: So I unplugged the phone before I left, so the school can't call my mom to say I'm not at school.
Girl #2: Oh, that's pretty smart.
Girl #1: I also took my dad's credit card.

Chicago, Illinois