Black man, approaching black woman wrapped in garments with only her eyes visible: Salam Aleikum.
Woman: I'm not Muslim, muthafucka, I'm cold!
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Michael
Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category
How the Woodland Park Zoo Became a Disco Inferno
Trashy mom trying to get toddler to leave an animal exhibit: Get over here or I’ll whop your butt!
(five seconds later) And give me back my lighter!
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jenster
Mom Has Very High Standards
Lazy girl: So, I told my mom that you and I were going to take tennis lessons together in the summer.
Workout friend: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Lazy girl: She just laughed at me.
Workout friend: Why?
Lazy friend: She said I was too slow, uncoordinated, and she didn’t outright say it, but I’m sure she thinks I’m mildly retarded.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A mild case of the ADD
…If She Tries to Get Out Of Going to Preschool Again.
Guy on cell, very angrily: Fuck you! (then suddenly calm) Well, that's what I was thinking of saying to her…
Brighton
England
When Rappers Teach Geography
Girl to friends: Fuck Europe! I got Tanzania all up on my ass!
Atlanta, Georgia
Yeah, but We’re Also in Boston
Girl #1: And yeah… She had these stains on her teeth.
Girl #2: Ew! Why… We’re in America.
Boston, Massachusetts
… Other Than My Anti-Semitism and Her Brutal Rape
Drunk girl #1: I can’t date him — he’s a vegetarian. You can’t trust vegetarians.
Drunk girl #2: You’re just saying that ’cause that vegetarian guy you dated last semester raped you. He was also Jewish. You should hate the Jews — you’d have more company! [Drunk girl #1 leaves, upset.] I don’t know what her problem is.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Let Him Wonderbra for a While
Teenage girl to friend: Ugh! Eric gets mad at me when I tell people things, you get mad when I don't tell you things…just tell him to fuck off and leave my boobs out of it!
Rumson, New Jersey
Almost As If Drinking Affected My Judgment in Some Way
Guy #1: I once tried to hit on a chick while I was drunk and throwing up, but now that's just a fun story I tell and nobody lost their respect for me.
Guy #2: Except for the girl you were hitting on.
Guy #1: Well, I don't know. Her nickname was “dicktooth.”
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
She Doesn’t Even Recognize Our Sincere and Unyielding Love for Children
Pre-school teacher #1: Which kids do you want in your group today?
Pre-school teacher #2: Oh, I don’t really care. Just not Monica*. I cant stand her.
Pre-school teacher #1: Yeah, I know. It’s like it’s her period every friggin’ day!
Pre-school teacher #2: Yeah, she’s such a little frigid bitch!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: first day on the job