It’s on My Google Calendar!

Girl #1: Ew! Are you gonna ask her tonight? You gonna ask her?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Why she has a huge fucking bush!
Girl #2: Oh, for sure!

McGill University
Montreal
Canadia

Thanks So Much, You Obese Cocksucker! Love Ya!

Teenage girl to friend: You’re pretty fucked up too. (pause) No, I mean in a positive way!

Melbourne
Australia

Don’t All Women Talk Shit Behind Your Back?

Asian guy #1: She’s the kind of woman who stands to the side, but she’s also the kind of woman who talks shit behind your back.
Asian guy #2: Yeah, traditional Asian bitch.

UCSD
San Diego, California

How Most of Us Feel About Seventh Heaven

Boi lesbian talking to shorter boi lesbian: Those motherfuckers are sweet as shit. Those bitches make me sick.

Tacoma, Washington

Overheard by: Maybe she likes them to be mean?

I Hate When They Do It While You’re Driving, and You Can’t See the Road

Frustrated gamer playing The Legend of Zelda: Did you see that? She’s such a slut! Her vagina was just totally up in link’s face. And he’s like, twelve. Why are women like that all the time?

University of Massachusetts

Overheard by: the girl in the corner cramming for finals

And You Could Actually Sing

Guy to girl: You know, Mandy Moore made a bad decision going brunette. Now she looks like you, if you were a crack whore.

Oberlin College
Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: emily

It’s Like a Message from God

Daughter: You sure are being stupid today.
Mom: Duh, I have bird poo in my hair.

Seattle, Washington

In the Immortal Words Of Khrushchev.

Chick giving presentation: Because this is Russia, bitch.

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Overheard by: Julia

Further Evidence That Frat Boys Are Born, Not Made

Two-year-old: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy…
Mother, trying to talk to her friend: What?!
Two-year-old, thrusting pizza at her: Blow me!
Mom’s friend: Well, that’s one for the baby book.

Pizza Hut
Maryland

My Technique’s Right Out Of The Shaolin Cookbook

Girl on bus: So, I’m like: “Bitch, you can’t question my big fork usage!”

99 Bus
Vancouver
Canadia