Girl on bus: I've been trying to quit drinking and she was all like, “have some juice with me!” And then she pulls out a half gallon of vodka, and I'm all, “bitch, what you doing?”
Seattle, Washington
Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category
So Maybe She Needed Out-of-This-World Sex
Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She hasn’t called me back. I don’t get why it’s so hard to take five seconds out of your day to see how I’m doing. [pause] She’s, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.
Barnes & Noble
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Hobo
Which Was “No Upper-Body Strength”
Female student #1: Eeew, she has a rolling backpack, you know what that means…
Female student #2: Whore?
Female student #1: Absolutely not what I was going to say.
San Francisco, California
“My Hatred for Teaching Is Vast As the Ocean”
English teacher: Can anyone tell me what the definition of a simile is?
Student: Like your ass…
English teacher: What did you say!?
Student: Like or as?
English teacher: Oh…yeah.
St. Joesph High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Davel
Keep Your Friends Close and Your Motherfuckers Even Closer
20-something guy to another: He found Jesus. In the two months I hadn't seen him, the motherfucker found Jesus.
Swinger's
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kristin
Got My Own Personal Trail Of Tears Over Here
Crazy old white lady trying on wedding veil: So I always wondered why I didn't look good in these things…until 2004.
Disinterested customer: Oh?
Crazy old white lady: Yeah, then I found out I was part Native American. At least 5%.
Disinterested customer (confused): Oh…?
Crazy, old white lady: Yeah. That's why I don't look good in veils. Cause we Native Americans don't wear them.
Disinterested customer: I got married in a courthouse.
Crazy old white lady: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white people!
Goodwill
Altoona, Pennsylvania
I Got My NASCAR Merit Badge!
Dancing girl #1: How do you know how to line dance?
Dancing girl #2: I was a Girl Scout!
Dancing girl #1: What? Are all Girl Scouts rednecks?
Connecticut
This Concludes My Essay on “Who I Admire Most”
High school student: She’s a two faced bitch, but not in a bad way.
http://overheardlines.blogspot.com/2008/04/high-school-student-at-lowell-high.html
Overheard by: emily
And He Was All, “But I’m Just the Babysitter!”
Lady to friend: So I told him… ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!
Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Some People Just Look Better with Misshapen Skulls
Guy #1 (after guy #2 leaves): Man, I hate him so much.
Girl: What? Why?
Guy #1: Ever since he fell out that window and almost died and shit, girls have been all over him. He's a goddam womanizer.
Girl: He is pretty cute.
Houston, Texas