Archive for the ‘Insults’ Category

No­body Can Do Sex­u­al Ha­rass­ment Like the In­sane

Crazy bag la­dy, loud­ly: I don’t suck dick for pussy! I don’t suck dick for pussy! I don’t suck dick for pussy!
(sits down next to an­oth­er pas­sen­ger on the sub­way)
Crazy bag la­dy, now in pas­sen­ger’s face: I don’t suck dick for pussy!
(fe­male pas­sen­ger gets up and moves)
Crazy bag la­dy: Why you jump­ing? Why you jump­ing, bitch!? You weren’t jumpin’ last night when that guy put his long ass dick in you last night!
Fe­male pas­sen­ger: Ex­cuse me, ma’am, don’t say that to me! You don’t know me!
(sub­way train stops)
Con­duc­tor: City Hall sta­tion!
Fe­male pas­sen­ger: Ex­cuse me, sir, there’s a crazy la­dy on the sub­way ha­rass­ing the oth­er pas­sen­gers.
Con­duc­tor: Oh, could you point her out to me?
(fe­male pas­sen­ger points to crazy woman yelling)
Con­duc­tor: Ma’am, are you both­er­ing peo­ple?
Crazy bag la­dy: Why you tryin’ to fuck me stand­ing up!? Why don’t you fuck me ly­ing down like a gen­tle­man!
Con­duc­tor: Ma’am, I’m call­ing the po­lice.

Broad Street Line Sub­way
Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

Al­most As If Drink­ing Af­fect­ed My Judg­ment in Some Way

Guy #1: I once tried to hit on a chick while I was drunk and throw­ing up, but now that’s just a fun sto­ry I tell and no­body lost their re­spect for me.
Guy #2: Ex­cept for the girl you were hit­ting on.
Guy #1: Well, I don’t know. Her nick­name was “dick­tooth.”

Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Claire

…Grand­ma.

Ghet­to la­dy on cell: Where you at? (pause) Yeah, you bet­ter be at work and not out fuck­ing around on me. (pause) You know damn well what the fuck I am talk­ing about, moth­er­fuck­er! (pause) Bitch, I am mak­ing tacos so I got­ta get some fuck­ing sour cream. (pause) I said I am mak­ing fuck­ing tacos. (pause) Al­right, I love you too.

Sun Fresh
Kansas City, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: We­sAli

And I’m Wash­ing It Down with Lax­a­tives!

Mod­el scout, hand­ing out card to hot tall teen: I know you’re prob­a­bly mod­el­ing al­ready, but take my card any­way.
Short­er teen girl to friend, af­ter scout has left: Fuck you. The on­ly rea­son he gave you his card in­stead of me was be­cause I’m eat­ing a cook­ie. But it’s the on­ly thing I’ve had to eat to­day!

Star­bucks
Stu­dio City, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Urz