Grandson, watching grandmother hold cigar as if it was a joint: If grandma takes off her bra and burns it, I’m gonna freak out.
Grandma: Oh, Simon! I’m not wearing one.
Spencer, Iowa
Archive for the ‘Iowa’ Category
Pretty Much How It Works
Old lady: Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just stay as we were and then wake up one day and be dead?
Assisted living center
Iowa
He’s Part Woodpecker
Sorority chick, from across room: Hey, do you wanna go steady?
Frat guy: Sure, when?
Sorority chick: I dunno… Let me ask my boyfriend and get back to you.
Frat guy: Sweet. Just as long as I get to tap that.
Iowa
Overheard by: confused and disgusted
And P.S.- You Might Want to Wash Your Face
Frat boy: Hypothetically speaking, if you were on your period, would you invite a guy to go home with you? Like, if it was your third day and you weren’t having a very heavy flow?
Sorority girl: Justin, this doesn’t sound very hypothetical.
University of Iowa Library
Iowa City, Iowa
Plus, I’m Pretty
Bawling small girl in grocery store, after not getting what she asked: But, mom, I’m crying really hard!
Ingersoll Avenue
Des Moines, Iowa
Actually, They’re Only Perfect If She Blows
Blonde: Even though he had already made a trail of hickies around my neck, he was apparently still in the sucking mood, because then he stole my lollipop!
Friend: That’s so not cool. He’s such a suck-o-holic!
Blonde: Seriously! I’m beginning to think there isn’t anything he won’t suck.
Passerby: Well, then you’re perfect for each other, because I’ve heard the same thing about you.
Mt. Vernon, Iowa
Overheard by: Abby
In That He Told God Everything
Kid #1: … And so, there is an alpha male among rats–
Kid #2, interrupting: –Jesus Christ was a rat!
City High School
Iowa
And See Them from the Inside
Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don’t, I’ll slit your throat!
Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa
I Fantasized He Was Stuart Little
Chick: He was so short and cute — it was like having sex with a pre-Parkinson’s Michael J. Fox!
Caribou Coffee
Des Moines, Iowa
Driven People Get Stuck with People Who Can’t Hurry
Nine-year-old to his little sister: I have to get my grandma her milk. I have to go all the way out to the West Side, and I’m low on gas. You need to hurry your ass up!
University and East 9th
Des Moines, Iowa
