Kid #1: … And so, there is an alpha male among rats–
Kid #2, interrupting: –Jesus Christ was a rat!
City High School
Iowa
Archive for the ‘Iowa’ Category
And See Them from the Inside
Drunk guy to drunk girl: If any of these guys see your boobies tonight and I don’t, I’ll slit your throat!
Maple Lanes Bowling Alley
Cedar Falls, Iowa
I Fantasized He Was Stuart Little
Chick: He was so short and cute — it was like having sex with a pre-Parkinson’s Michael J. Fox!
Caribou Coffee
Des Moines, Iowa
Driven People Get Stuck with People Who Can’t Hurry
Nine-year-old to his little sister: I have to get my grandma her milk. I have to go all the way out to the West Side, and I’m low on gas. You need to hurry your ass up!
University and East 9th
Des Moines, Iowa
But It Was a Planned Incarceration
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!
Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa
Overheard by: Casey
I Have Them Washed and Brought to My Tent
Girl, joking: I love when girls are walking around drunk with eye makeup smeared around their faces.
Guy: Yeah, those are the ones I try to take home.
Girl: What?
Guy: Do you really think I go around looking for girls with good personalities?
Iowa City, Iowa
Their Baby Was Born in a Booth at Popeye’s
Guy #1: Hey bro, your woman fat?
Guy #2: No. Fuck, man! What you talkin’? She my baby momma, that the baby in her bump!
Guy #3: You sure? She sure look fat to me.
Coralridge Mall
Iowa City, Iowa
Any of Them Could Win America’s Most Smartest Model
Mom to child: Do you know what that is, honey?
Child: No.
Mom: That’s a mannequin.
Child (giggling): It doesn’t have a head!
Mom: That’s right. None of them do!
Iowa City, Iowa
He’s Part Woodpecker
Sorority chick, from across room: Hey, do you wanna go steady?
Frat guy: Sure, when?
Sorority chick: I dunno… Let me ask my boyfriend and get back to you.
Frat guy: Sweet. Just as long as I get to tap that.
Iowa
Overheard by: confused and disgusted
Pickings Seem to Be Slim in Iowa
College girl #1: So I met up with Jeremy last night.
College girl #2: Ah, the one with the small penis. Wait… No, Adam has the small dick. Jeremy’s the bad kisser, right?
College girl #1: To be fair, they’re both bad kissers. But yeah, Adam’s the one with the small dick.
Coffee shop
Iowa City, Iowa
