I Did­n’t Ex­pect the Irish to Be Such Pussies

Cowork­er: Where were you? You were meant to be in work at 7!
Drunk Slo­va­kian guy ar­riv­ing at work: I drank Jack Daniels un­til 5 this morn­ing, then went to bed. I woke at nine and fucked Jane, then got my broth­er to drop me off at work.

Craigavon
North­ern Ire­land

Ah, the Irish Imag­i­na­tion

Lit­tle boy, as plane starts its de­scent: Oh my god! What are go­ing to do? We are go­ing to get stuck in the clouds! Please! Some­body help us! Help!

Dublin
Ire­land

All Those Slip-and-Fall Ac­ci­dents Are Smit­ings

Re­li­gion teacher to class of girls: And re­mem­ber girls, al­ways wear a biki­ni in the show­er, be­cause god is al­ways watch­ing you.

Dublin
Ire­land

…Ac­cord­ing to Miss Man­ners.

Girl #1: Oh, I like your jack­et.
Girl #2: Thanks, it’s not mine, Julie loaned it to me. Thank god she did, be­cause she puked on mine.
Girl #1: Is that why she loaned it to you?
Girl #2: No, I did­n’t tell her she puked on mine. It’s not re­al­ly cool to bring up stuff peo­ple did when they were hav­ing a seizure.

Cork
Ire­land

Well, Those Lit­tle Heads Are Kind of Creepy

Moth­er to child: You seem to be on a mis­sion to­day to de­cap­i­tate my toes.

Crowd­ed LU­AS tram
Dublin
Ire­land

And a Fun and Flir­ty One

Girl, re­turn­ing from hol­i­days in Amer­i­ca: So yeah, I got put in ac­tu­al jail.
Friend: For drink­ing on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the or­ange jump­suit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I did­n’t like to ask, to be hon­est. Would’ve been a sav­age sou­venir, though.

UCC Cam­pus
Ire­land

But I’m Prac­tic­ing for My Wed­ding Night!

Fa­ther shout­ing out of house: Jac­in­ta! Get off that cow! You’ll ru­in your com­mu­nion dress!

Lim­er­ick
Ire­land

Three If He Bites You

Man hold­ing nose pick­ing child: Fiv­er to hug the child! Just a fiv­er, a fiv­er to cud­dle the child!

Belfast
North­ern Ire­land

Over­heard by: I’ll give you £2!

I See Rich Peo­ple

Mourn­er at fu­ner­al: Tut, one of the un­der­tak­ers left his jack­et on that grave­stone.
Son of de­ceased man: We should check it for mon­ey… (whis­per­ing) Ghost mon­ey!

Grave­yard
Cork
Ire­land

To­day on All My Cook­ies

Teen to friend: I don’t care how many time you watch Sesame Street, it is not a soap opera.

Wick­low
Ire­land