It All Started When I Tried to Separate the Laundry…

Preppy teenage girl #1, before Sex and the City movie: Oh! I heard that Jennifer Hewitt is in this movie!
Preppy teenage girl #2: No, it’s Jennifer Hudson.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Whats the difference?
Preppy teenage girl #2: Jennifer Hewitt is the white actress who made a CD and can’t sing and was in the Garfield movie. Jennifer Hudson is the black girl from American Idol who won an Oscar for that movie with Beyonce.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Are either one of them singing in this movie?
Preppy teenage girl #2: I don’t know.
(long pause)
Preppy teenage girl #3: Speaking of black people, I got in trouble for being racist at work today.

Plano, Texas

Or Was That the Time I Was Temporarily Decapitated?

40-something suit #1: So you remember when I was dying of melanoma?
40-something suit #2: Is that when you couldn’t go on the golf trip with the boss?
40-something suit #1: Yes, that was it!

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: MilwaukeeBabe

But I’m Sure You’ll Locate Your Suitcase– Bwahaha!

Passenger trying to find lost baggage: Excuse me! Do you work for United?
Airline steward: No! Oh no! Thank god!

P.E. Trudeau Airport
Montreal
Canadia

…Which I Use for My Other Job

(on a bus passing city jail)
Mom: Look kids… that’s where daddy is.
(pause)
Mom: I can give you a haircut.
Man: I like the lady who does my hair, she has good mirrors so I can see the back of my head.
Mom: I’ve got good mirrors. I’ve got mirrors on the ceiling, too.

Bus
Omaha, Nebraska

No Tuition Payments after High School

Old Jewish lady: … And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.

São Paulo
Brazil

What About Those Three Other Kids?

Six-year-old girl: Are you doing your job?
Lifeguard: Are you drowning?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Lifeguard: Then I’m doing my job.

Kiddie Pool
Great Neck, New York

I’m an Equal-Opportunity Whore

Hoochie #1: I’m just an attention-whore, not a sex-whore.
Hoochie #2: I think I’m both.

Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Meesh

That Way I Can Put Both of My Talents to Use

Seven-year-old: You can’t be a rock star. Everyone wants to be a rock star. You have to be something else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I’ll be a fucking barber!

Indianapolis, Indiana

An Inflatable Friend

Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry… and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it’d never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along…

Holland, Michigan

Translation: Top That, Motherfucker!

Amherst girl to Dartmouth guy, discussing Hillel dinners at Harvard: I turned down a position at Massachusetts General Hospital because they don’t have squash courts.

Commuter Rail Train
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard Everywhere

Archive for the ‘Jobs & Careers’ Category

It All Started When I Tried to Separate the Laundry…

Or Was That the Time I Was Temporarily Decapitated?

But I’m Sure You’ll Locate Your Suitcase– Bwahaha!

…Which I Use for My Other Job

No Tuition Payments after High School

What About Those Three Other Kids?

I’m an Equal-Opportunity Whore

That Way I Can Put Both of My Talents to Use

An Inflatable Friend

Translation: Top That, Motherfucker!