If You’ve Ever Waited Weeks for Grades, You’ll Understand the Applause

Professor, throwing exams on desk the day after taking them: I graded all of these. I want applause.
(class applauds)

UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts

She’s Very Victor/Victoria

Friend #1: Now all we need is a transvestite cop.
Friend #2: Don’t worry, we have Katie!

Los Angeles, California

My Mother Always Said I Married a Piece Of Trash

Neighbor, talking about busy husband: Yeah, he may take Monday off just to decompose.

Burke, Virginia

Overheard by: Jimmy C

I Guess You Could, Like, Help Stop the Burning

Bimbette #1: I would love to be a fireman! You work, like, three days a week, and when you’re there you can just, like, sit and watch the news until the fire alarm goes off!
Bimbette #2: Yeah, but you’d have to watch people’s houses burn down.
Bimbette #1: Yeah… That’d be, like, really depressing.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

All I Asked Was, “Does That Come with Fries?”

Light-skinned black woman: I’m just saying, I’d have been in the home and not in the fields.

Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia

And You Know the Company Bylaws

Male Wal-Mart employee to female coworker: Come on, what’s your problem? (smiles at her)
Female coworker: I can’t smile. I work here.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/350891654/i‑can-relate.html

Overheard by: A. Lil

But You Students Are Unwilling to Spread the Word around Campus?

Professor: Even my own mother tells people I’m a drug dealer.

http://www.overheardatumbc.com

Well, Her Kids Mend All Her Fishnets

Chick: So, how is the roommate situation?
Dude: It’s annoying that she is drunk all of the time. She keeps locking herself out or bringing home random guys.
Chick: Amazing that she still finds the time to be a preschool teacher.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: state worker

When You Get Bitten by Something Radioactive

Teen boy to friend: I guess what I’m trying to say is… I really want to be your sidekick.

NCG Cinemas
Lansing, Michigan

No One Has Problems Like I Do!

Teary-eyed teen: But I don’t wanna work…I wanna go to Istanbul!

Palmer, Alaska