That Way I Can Put Both of My Tal­ents to Use

Sev­en-year-old: You can’t be a rock star. Every­one wants to be a rock star. You have to be some­thing else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I’ll be a fuck­ing bar­ber!

In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

You Know Some­body’s Play­ing “Mag­ic: the Gath­er­ing”

Fraz­zled moth­er: At Michi­gan State they don’t even have par­ties. They’re not go­ing to want you at a par­ty. You are not go­ing to a par­ty. There is no chance.
Hope­ful twelve-year-old boy: Oh, there’s a chance.

East Lans­ing, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Cameron

Michael Jack­son: At Least I’m Con­sis­tent!

Woman talk­ing on phone to friend: I have a re­al thing for lit­tle boys. I nev­er used to…

Train Leav­ing Brighton
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Wish­ing she had­n’t tuned in at that point

That’s for Church

Four-year-old boy to group of moth­ers: Guess what!
Group: What?
Four-year-old boy, ex­cit­ed: I just peed stand­ing up!
Boy’s fa­ther: That’s not some­thing we tell peo­ple!

Chil­dren’s Room, Ka­ton­ah Li­brary
Ka­ton­ah, New York

Over­heard by: amused li­brar­i­an

Is He Talk­ing About Vagi­na? Dis­cuss.

Lit­tle boy to moth­er: Mom­my, it smells like eat­ing wieners… right?

Wal­greens Park­ing Lot
Port Chester, New York

Over­heard by: Ldawg

A Bra­vo TV Con­tes­tant!

School coun­selor, try­ing to get kids to guess a ca­reer: This per­son might work in fash­ion, or dec­o­rate hous­es…
Fourth grad­er: A gay guy!

Raleigh, North Car­oli­na

Oh, Bib­li­cal­ly.

Five-year-old girl, point­ing to pic­ture on cup: Who’s that?
Babysit­ter: That’s Ronald Mc­Don­ald.
Five-year-old girl: Oh… How do you know him?

Mc­Don­ald’s
Man­hat­tan, New York

And I’d Stay Away from Nestle’s, Too

Lit­tle girl reach­es to­wards a sheep as it poops.

Lit­tle boy: Nooo! Stop! Don’t touch those raisinets! You can’t eat a sheep­’s raisinets!

Birm­ing­ham Zoo
Al­aba­ma

What’s the Point, If We Can’t Break Stuff?

Four-year-old bal­le­ri­na #1: I need to ask my mom.
Four-year-old bal­le­ri­na #2: That’s good, be­cause my house is crap.
Pre-bal­le­ri­na: Well, it’s not crap — we just have a lot of crap in it.
Four-year-old bal­le­ri­na #1: Can I come over to your place and play?

Dance stu­dio
Mary­land

It’s More Like a Mu­se­um of Strangers’ Poo, Hon­ey

Lit­tle girl, in­side port-a-pot­ty: Mom­my! Mom­my!
Mom­my: Just be qui­et and go pot­ty.
Lit­tle girl: Mom­my, do you know what it feels like in here? It’s like a lit­tle house where I’ll al­ways be pro­tect­ed.

Re­nais­sance Fes­ti­val
Mary­land

Over­heard by: Nan­cy Whiskey