…An­i­mal Crack­er Com­ing Up

Kid: (burps loud­ly)
Mom: What was that?
Kid: I think it was a li­on.

Lit­tle Leage Game
Ft. Worth, Texas

Over­heard by: Dee­Don

How Mrs. Bis­bee Made the ‘Naughty’ List

Mom: I don’t know what I should get for him. He likes video games and that kind of stuff. I got him a Game­Cube last year and he loves it.
Five-year-old child (looks away from game dis­play, shocked): But you told me San­ta got me the Game­Cube!

Best Buy
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Or an Etch-a-Sketch Mas­ter­piece.

Guy: So how’s it go­ing with Tom?
Girl: Good. He’s stuck with me.
Guy: You’re like a virus.
Girl: No, I’m more like some­thing good you can’t shake. Like a ba­by.

Der­by, Con­necti­cut

When Se­mes­ters and Trimesters Con­flict

Bleached blonde soror­i­ty chick: If she does­n’t abort it, we’re to­tal­ly throw­ing her a ba­by show­er!

Uni­ver­si­ty
Mid­west

Over­heard by: GDI

What About Those Three Oth­er Kids?

Six-year-old girl: Are you do­ing your job?
Life­guard: Are you drown­ing?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Life­guard: Then I’m do­ing my job.

Kid­die Pool
Great Neck, New York

So It’s Like­ly He’s Very Drunk.

Lit­tle girl: He’s drunk, I swear!
Teenage sis­ter: He’s not drunk, he’s a for­eign­er.

High­lands Ranch, Col­orado

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

And They’re Use­less Against Al­li­ga­tors

Two-year-old boy, ad­mir­ing his hands in­stead of the al­li­ga­tors: Look, Dad — look at my nails!
Gri­mac­ing fa­ther: Yes, yes… Your moth­er is to blame for that.

At­lanta Zoo
Geor­gia

That Way I Can Put Both of My Tal­ents to Use

Sev­en-year-old: You can’t be a rock star. Every­one wants to be a rock star. You have to be some­thing else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I’ll be a fuck­ing bar­ber!

In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

You Know Some­body’s Play­ing “Mag­ic: the Gath­er­ing”

Fraz­zled moth­er: At Michi­gan State they don’t even have par­ties. They’re not go­ing to want you at a par­ty. You are not go­ing to a par­ty. There is no chance.
Hope­ful twelve-year-old boy: Oh, there’s a chance.

East Lans­ing, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Cameron

Michael Jack­son: At Least I’m Con­sis­tent!

Woman talk­ing on phone to friend: I have a re­al thing for lit­tle boys. I nev­er used to…

Train Leav­ing Brighton
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Wish­ing she had­n’t tuned in at that point