Archive for the ‘Lies’ Category

And Put Some Un­der­pants on, Wouldya?

San­ta: Re­mem­ber, you have to be very good so I can bring you lots of presents.
Lit­tle girl: I have been! I have been!
San­ta: I came by your house the oth­er day. Did you know that?
Lit­tle girl: Re­al­ly?! Wow!
San­ta: I looked in your win­dow, and I saw lots of messy toys on your floor. And clothes.
Lit­tle girl, cry­ing: I was just go­ing to get a glass of wa­ter and then go back to clean them up, I promise!
San­ta: What­ev­er.

Park Plaza Mall
Lit­tle Rock, Arkansas

Wait– What Ex­act­ly Are You Us­ing As a Vol­ley­ball?

Mom to three-year-old son un­der the ta­ble: Whatcha’ doin’ un­der there, bud­dy?
Three-year-old son: Play­ing vol­ley­ball.
Dad: Vol­ley­ball? Smells like you’re poop­ing your pants.
Three-year-old son, gig­gling: I am.
Three-year-old son’s sis­ter to friend: See, I told you it was­n’t the food.

Los Tres Ami­gos Mex­i­can Restau­rant

Over­heard by: Scott

Like a Uni­ver­si­ty Pro­fes­sor Ever Has to Pay for It

Sta­tis­tics pro­fes­sor: So let’s say we ask a ran­dom ques­tion, such as “have you had un­pro­tect­ed sex with a pros­ti­tute in the last week?”.
(class laughs)
Sta­tis­tics pro­fes­sor: Most peo­ple would an­swer “no.” In­clud­ing my­self. I’ll leave it up to you to de­cide if that’s the truth or not.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Guelph

Over­heard by: Danielle