Archive for the ‘Lies’ Category

Like a Uni­ver­si­ty Pro­fes­sor Ever Has to Pay for It

Sta­tis­tics pro­fes­sor: So let’s say we ask a ran­dom ques­tion, such as “have you had un­pro­tect­ed sex with a pros­ti­tute in the last week?”.
(class laughs)
Sta­tis­tics pro­fes­sor: Most peo­ple would an­swer “no.” In­clud­ing my­self. I’ll leave it up to you to de­cide if that’s the truth or not.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Guelph

Over­heard by: Danielle

Oh, Fuck — Go Ahead and Hit Me

Girl: Hey, quit star­ing at my breasts!
Guy #1: Yeah, why are you star­ing at my girl­friend’s breasts?
Guy #2: Well, man, see… It’s like this — she’s like my sis­ter.

Over­heard by: lis­sa

Much Like My Soul!

Girl on cell: Yeah, so I’m go­ing to tell my mom that he asked me to mar­ry him, and then he died. (pause) Yeah, she’ll prob­a­bly ask if I need any­thing, and that’s when I’ll tell her about the car. (pause) Yeah, I’ll be heart­bro­ken, blah, blah, blah… at least I’ll get a new car out of the deal! (pause) He’s a made-up boyfriend! She’s not go­ing to find out he did­n’t re­al­ly die, be­cause he nev­er re­al­ly ex­ist­ed!

San Mar­cos, Cal­i­for­nia