Archive for the ‘Lies’ Category

… Af­ter I Broke in and Changed All Your An­swers to “Mas­tur­ba­tion”?

Stu­dent: Yeah, she said ‘good luck’ to me. [Friend rolls eyes and shakes head.] I know. It’s the Uni­ver­si­ty of Toron­to — she does­n’t mean ‘good luck.’ What she re­al­ly means is ‘I hope you choke on a tooth­pick and die so I can get your spot in the pro­gram.‘
Friend, sigh­ing: It re­al­ly is a shame this school has to be so com­pet­i­tive… How’d you do on that last test?

Uni­ver­si­ty of Toron­to
Toron­to, On­tario

Over­heard by: A+

…By Ly­ing

Guy #1: I was sup­posed to in­ter­view my grand­ma for my so­ci­ol­o­gy project, but I did­n’t. I’m go­ing to have to like, make up her life right now.
Guy #2: Why did­n’t you in­ter­view her?
Guy #1: Well, she lives in Ore­gon, and you know, the time change…
Guy #2: Dude, there’s no time change from here to Ore­gon.
Guy #1: I know that, shut up! I’m try­ing to make my­self feel bet­ter.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Wash­ing­ton
Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Beat­rice