Archive for the ‘Maine’ Category

This Is Why I Di­vorced Your Fa­ther

Moth­er to child: You need to get up off the floor.
Kid: No!
(small dog ap­proach­es, starts lick­ing kid’s face)
(kid laughs as moth­er be­comes even an­gri­er, then dog be­gins hump­ing kid)
Kid: Get him off me, get him off me!
Moth­er, calm­ly: See? This is what hap­pens when you lie on the floor. This is why we can’t lay down on the floor.

Port­land, Maine

The Tech­ni­cal Term Is “Cell­mates”

Man #1: You can fuck any part of the body if you have a sharp ob­ject close by.
Man #2: Just shut up and give me a beer.
Man #1: Se­ri­ous­ly. Would­n’t it be great if you were fuck­ing some­one’s ribs, and just as you came you punc­tured their lung, and with their last dy­ing breath, it shot out their nose?
Man #2: Why are we friends?

Bid­de­ford, Maine