Archive for the ‘Maladies’ Category

And I’m the Dairy Queen.

Sev­en-year-old girl #1: Hey! There goes An­gus!
Sev­en-year-old girl #2: Oooh, you are falling in love with him.
Sev­en-year-old girl #1: I am so not falling in love with him. He’s al­ler­gic to dairy!


Over­heard by: ha­hama­ma

Any­body Have Any Bread?

(stu­dent coughs vi­o­lent­ly in­to hands, spew­ing fake blood)
Lit pro­fes­sor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Stu­dent: (cough­ing up more blood) Can I go to the bath­room?
Lit pro­fes­sor: Oh my god, go, go!
(stu­dent leaves)
Lit pro­fes­sor: (re­al­iz­ing it’s April 1st) Ha­ha… His con­sump­tion smells like rasp­ber­ries.

Col­orado Uni­ver­si­ty, Boul­der

Over­heard by: In the back of the class­room

The Orig­i­nal Mir­a­cle Work­er Screen­play Was Less Than In­spir­ing.

Male teacher talk­ing about stu­dent: Yeah, that ear in­fec­tion made her go deaf. She wears one of those things in her head. The im­plant.
Mean­est la­dy ever: Her life is over. You can’t be deaf and ug­ly. That is too many things.
Male teacher: She’s five!
Mean­est la­dy ever: By six she’ll bare­ly be a per­son.

Fair­field, Con­necti­cut