Woman at table dining with friend: I mean, I love infectious diseases, don’t get me wrong, but that’s not my life.
Red Restaurant
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: kyndgrrl
Archive for the ‘Maladies’ Category
Well It Works in Her Favor!
Girl: I’m hanging out with Claire today, that’s why I can’t stay later.
Guy: Is Claire the one with the awesome accent?
Girl: She has a speech impediment.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Leonard
And I’m the Dairy Queen.
Seven-year-old girl #1: Hey! There goes Angus!
Seven-year-old girl #2: Oooh, you are falling in love with him.
Seven-year-old girl #1: I am so not falling in love with him. He’s allergic to dairy!
Australia
Overheard by: hahamama
But It Makes a Cool Gurgling Sound
10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, if you smoke it that way you can still get cancer. But if you smoke it through a water bong… yeah, about the same.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Lauren
Anybody Have Any Bread?
(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it’s April 1st) Haha… His consumption smells like raspberries.
Colorado University, Boulder
Overheard by: In the back of the classroom
Something Grave, Anyway.
Catechism teacher: Where’s Eric today?
Eric’s friend: Eric’s at the hospital with his mom.
Catechism teacher, concerned: Why?
Eric’s friend: Cuz she has a tombstone, or something like that.
Rochester Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Betsy
Quiz: Which Of These Statements Is True About Audrina from The Hills?
Guy #1, shocked and angry: Dude, she’s autistic!
Guy #2: Yeah! But she’s a full functioning autistic, so fuck you for judging.
Ikea
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Ferdinand
If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!
Girl #1: I’m all freaked out now! I bet you she’s pregnant! My sister’s pregnant!
Girl #2: I’m sure she’s not pregnant, you’re assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: monkey
The Original Miracle Worker Screenplay Was Less Than Inspiring.
Male teacher talking about student: Yeah, that ear infection made her go deaf. She wears one of those things in her head. The implant.
Meanest lady ever: Her life is over. You can’t be deaf and ugly. That is too many things.
Male teacher: She’s five!
Meanest lady ever: By six she’ll barely be a person.
Fairfield, Connecticut
…And I Drink Twelve Beers in Celebration
Drunk girl: Sometimes I think I’m an alcoholic, but then I watch Intervention and I realize I’m just a love machine.
Syracuse University, New York
