Woman on cell: Uh, yeah, I’m standing in, uh… Old Navy. See you in a bit!
The Gap, Crossgates Mall
Albany, New York
Overheard by: unhappy gapper
Archive for the ‘Malls’ Category
But If I Did, I’d Advise You to Go with the Heart-Shaped Nipple Clamps
Dad to son, passing Valentine’s Day t‑shirt display: These are kind of nice for your mom, no?
Son: It’s for mom, what do I care?
City Center Mall
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: Nathan
Stop Referring to Juicy Juice That Way, Sadie.
Little girl, seriously: This is what I like best about elevators. But it’s not the blood of Christ.
Cherry Creek Mall
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
A High Holy Day for Us Retailians
Girl #1: Well, today wasn’t a total loss, I did find my outfit for tomorrow.
Girl #2: True. By the way, what’s tomorrow?
Girl #1: Uh, Thursday. You mean like the date?
Girl #2: No, I mean: what’s the occasion for the outfit?
Girl #1: Oh, right! Thursday.
Dulles Town Center
Loudoun County, Virginia
Are the Stories About Martha Stewart As True As They Say?
Angry woman on cell: I want the fucking muffins!
Galleria Mall
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Is That Why You Always Look Fatter When We Leave Williams Sonoma?
Homely housewife: And she said, “are you going to blot it?” and I said, “of course, that’s why I collect napkins.”
Fayette Mall
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: verticalQ
Later, They’d Vomit Up Quarters
Drunk girl #1: I’m Wells Fargo!
Drunk girl #2: Really? I’m Wells Fargo, too!
(they gleefully skip off together)
Pearl St Mall
Boulder, Colorado
More Of a Sugar Grandpa
Older man walking into a jewelery store, to another: I’m not a sugar-daddy, am I?
Fashion Valley Mall
San Diego, California
I Think I’ve Heard This Country Song…
Guy to girlfriend: If I go to jail for you, you better get your tits done.
Viewmont Mall
Dickson City, Pennsylvania
My Explanation of “Airtight” Was Too Much for Them
Girl at mall: Did I tell you about traumatizing the Amish family?
Champaign, Illinois
Overheard by: Frito Bandito
