I’ve Lost 10 Pounds Since I Start­ed Send­ing My­self to Bed With­out Sup­per!

Girl with blue hair, ex­cit­ed­ly on cell: I love it when I in­spire my own ma­ter­nal in­stincts!

Na­tion­al Mall
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Now at Least De­scribe the Butts to Me, Winifred.

Old woman in wheel­chair be­ing dri­ven around busy food court: I hate this place! All I can see are peo­ple’s butts.
Old man be­hind her: So why are you hav­ing me cart you around the city in a wheel­chair for?!

Mall
Syd­ney
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: I saw her lat­er stand up…

For a Sec­ond I Thought You Were Talk­ing About Our Key-Par­ties

Five-year-old girl: Hey, mom, you know how you hate “pop and switch?“
Mom: Uh…what’s “pop and switch?“
Five-year-old girl: The one where they trade bod­ies.
Mom: Oh! Oh, yeah, I hate “pop and switch.” That’s scary…

JCPen­ney, Flo­rence Mall
Flo­rence, Ken­tucky

Over­heard by: Do­hiyi

These Peo­ple Are Every­where

Thugette: I ain’t talk­ing to you no more!
Thug: Well, let me ask you a ques­tion — about you.
Thugette: Al­right.
Thug: What you heard about me?!

Down­town Mall
Char­lottesville, Vir­ginia

Why “Fam­i­ly Va­ca­tion” Will Al­ways Be an Oxy­moron

Tod­dler to old­er sis­ter: The pen­cil! Pen­cil! Look! (scream­ing) Looooook!
Teenage sis­ter: That’s the Wash­ing­ton Mon­u­ment.
Tod­dler: Noooooo! It’ll kill us! (sob­bing un­con­trol­lably) Ki­i­i­il­l­ll! (con­tin­ues sob­bing)

Na­tion­al Mall
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Meag­goo

Why You’re Not Sup­posed to Re­turn to the Scene Of a Crime

Lit­tle girl to store em­ploy­ee: Do you re­mem­ber us?
Em­ploy­ee: Yes, of course I do.
Lit­tle girl: Oh, no! Run away! He re­mem­bers us!

Mis­sion Viejo Mall
Mis­sion Viejo, Cal­i­for­nia

Dad Won’t Let Me

Girl #1: Oh, hey! I’m wear­ing a pur­ple bra to­day!
Girl #2: Why is that a sur­prise? Don’t you dress your­self?

Fit­ting Rooms
Mor­well Shop­ping Cen­tre
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: Ann

The Best Part Is, They’ve Trade­marked That Name

Friend­ly wait­ress, se­ri­ous: Would you like to or­der a hap­py end­ing?

Ly­coming Mall
Penns­dale, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Dazed­in­PA

Does It Make My Breasts Look Phoney?

Teen girl: Hey! This lip gloss match­es my nip­ples! And my phone.

Gal­le­ria Mall
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

Over­heard by: Jo

…You Wan­na Go to Build-a-Bear?

Roid Rager, an­gri­ly: No­body gives me the fin­ger while I’m dri­ving!
Hip­ster, calm­ly: Well, you need to slow down. It’s a park­ing lot.
Roid Rager, en­raged: You wan­na do some­thing about it?
Hip­ster: No. I’m not gonna fight you in front of Sears.

Rock­away Mall, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Joe Bagodonuts