Archive for the ‘Maryland’ Category

Let’s Just Say I Felt the Earth Move

Queer #1: I bruised my pelvis once during sex. It was the last time I had sex with a woman. Remember?
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #3: I don’t know this story.
Queer #1: Well, to be more exact, I woke up to having sex with a woman. Or, rather, I regained consciousness to discover a woman fucking me. That was the same day as the bulldozer.
Queer #2: You don’t have to say anything else for this to be a perfect story.
Queer #3: Wait… A bulldozer?

Wine bar
Baltimore, Maryland

Sometimes Over the Intercom at Work, Just for Fun, But That's It.

Girl in skirt: And so she was just sitting in the stall on her phone when I went in! She was having a normal volume conversation.
Girl in pants: Ewww. What did you do?
Girl in skirt: I mean, I peed. But reluctantly. It's not like I want to broadcast my bodily functions to everyone, you know? (pause) I mean I'm broadcasting them to you right now, but not over the phone.
Girl in pants: Right. Totally.

Rockville Pike, Maryland

The Sort Of Thing That Keeps Us in Business

Guy, telling girl how to inspect screws in a table: Reach up, right up in there…
Girl: Right here?
Guy: Yeah, can you feel it?
Girl: Uh-huh…
Guy: Okay, now can you play around with it with your finger?
Girl: Uh-huh…
Guy, after long pause: You know, if anyone overheard this conversation, it would sound pretty bad.

Security Park
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Cool Breeze

On My Deck

Girl #1: How do you like your place?
Girl #2: I've got a huge deck!
Girl #1: You were one letter away from making me a very happy woman.
Girl #2: I was one letter away from making myself a very happy woman. If I had that, I'd go fuck myself.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: aoK