Guy: My life is one giant erection.
Attleboro, Massachusetts
Archive for the ‘Massachusetts’ Category
We’re Imagining the Cat Lady from The Simpsons
Crazy lady to group of girls: Well, there’s us and then there’s them. And when I was your age I said I was never gonna be like them. And look at me… Do I look anything like them?
Greenfield, Massachusetts
That Thing Almost Took Off My Hand Last Time
Student #1: Jess, come here. I need your help.
Student #2: I am not touching your cooter again.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Let’s Keep Doing Shots Until It Does
Drunk girl: Oh my god, how can you be wearing a t‑shirt right now? It’s so cold outside!
Bouncer: I love the cold. In fact, I have the air conditioning on in my apartment right now.
Drunk girl: Wow, so, what are you? Like, from Florida or something?
Bouncer: No… That doesn’t make any sense.
Washington Street
Brighton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Patron
Is This Quote Culinary Erotica? Discuss.
Girl #1: I don’t know if I want cookie dough, I’d rather make cookies.
Girl #2: Oh, man. It’s totally carnal, the things I wanna do to that cookie dough. I want it on my face.
(five minutes later)
Girl #1: Okay, I want some cookie dough.
Girl #2: I thought you didn’t want any!
Girl #1: You gave such a rave review of the cookie dough on your face that I entertained the possibility that I, too, might want it on my face.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Lisa
My Hand Never Asks Where Our Relationship Is Going
Guy: Sometimes I feel like I want to get a steady girlfriend again.
Friend: Whenever I feel like that I just jerk off all over myself and the feeling goes away.
Downtown Post Office
Worcester, Massachusetts
I Was More Of an Excuse for Two Guys to Have Sex
Girl to friend: Your first time was a three-way?
Cambridge, Massachusetts
…Just by Slipping That Home Depot Catalog under Our Mattress
Soccer mom: I can’t believe I was able to convince my husband that I was gay.
Museum of Fine Arts
Boston, Massachusetts
They Finally Settled on the Nike Swish
Teenage guy to another: Didn’t they want to name their kid something weird, like “question mark?”
Brighton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: L‑Dawg
All I Said Was, “Stop Doing It in My Class”
Girl: Are you seriously telling me how I should masturbate? When did you become a sex tyrant?
MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts
