Overheard Everywhere

Archive for the ‘Masturbation’ Category

Best. Peer Ad­vi­sor. Ever.

Cu­ri­ous friend: Does­n’t your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That’s what my hands are for!
Cu­ri­ous friend: Don’t your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That’s what my mouth is for!
Cu­ri­ous friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that’s when he puts it in my butt.

Hobo­ken, New Jer­sey

We’re Late for Our Cir­cle Jerk

Guy on cell: Hey… Rainy… Um­mm, well, yeah I’ve kind of played with it, but not to fruition. Hold on, I’m on the L in Chica­go. Hey, guys, Jeff* wants to know if you’ve ever mas­tur­bat­ed while dri­ving on a long car trip.
Friend #1: No.
Friend #2: No.
Guy on cell: Nick* and Joe* say no. Hey, um, I got­ta go…

Chica­go L
Illi­nois

Over­heard by: J to the P

…Ques­tion Mark.

Teen: I could­n’t tell if he meant “stop, ex­cla­ma­tion point,” “don’t, ex­cla­ma­tion point,” or if he meant “don’t stop, ex­cla­ma­tion point.“
Friend: What did you do?
Teen: Look, that hand­job was­n’t go­ing to fin­ish it­self, and I have a rep­u­ta­tion, so I had no choice.
Friend: You’re a god­damn troop­er.

Syra­cuse Mall
Syra­cuse, New York

Over­heard by: Just Ex­clam­ing!

And Don’t Even Get Me Start­ed on This Ba­nana Lamp

[Two 18-year-old girls are brows­ing a ta­ble full of ran­dom items for sale at a Chris­t­ian thrift store at a lo­cal church.]Girl #1: This can­dle hold­er would prob­a­bly feel great in­side my pussy.
Girl #2, bare­ly star­tled: Ha­ha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!

Gothen­burg
Swe­den

Over­heard by: Don­ny Boots