Stoned girl at party: I don’t think I’m gonna call him back, he was fingering me in pretty rapey way.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Archive for the ‘Masturbation’ Category
…As My Grandma Knitted on a Little Pillow.
Girl: First, string cheese. Then masturbation!
Saint Peter’s College
New Jersey
A Practice Prohibited by a Scalia Decision
3L law student: He’s just irritating. He’s like one of those people who masturbates to Scalia decisions.
http://overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com/2007/03/im-kennedy-man-myself.html
…That’s a Terrible Marketing Slogan.
Gay man: Listen, we’ve all shat, we’ve all farted, we’ve all touched ourselves, and we’ve all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm… no.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
…Because Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.
US History professor, angrily: I don’t put up stuff on the overhead for me to masturbate to! I do that at home. Pay attention!
Georgia State University
Overheard by: Kat
Yeah, You’re Mommy’s Little Miracle
Toddler boy in stall with mom: I’m done!
Mom: Are you sure? Why are you doing that? Don’t pull on it!
Toddler boy: Daddy does it all the time!
Border Grill
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Smooph
Instead of Just Doing It Now While I Grade Papers
Professor: Please write legibly. If I had wanted to go blind, I would have masturbated to excess as a child.
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
The Environment Thanks You, Citizen!
Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Cap
And Possibly a Few Sex Hats
Girl to friend: I need some cute shirts that I can just throw on and like…jerk off in.
H&M
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: XT
Did It Bring the Boys to the Yard?
Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her mother walked in and she was you-know-what-ing… with the milkshake maker!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was — y’know — using it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: … Did she make a milkshake with it afterwards?
Newtown, NSW
Australia
Overheard by: buzzcut
