Overheard Everywhere

Archive for the ‘Masturbation’ Category

Did It Bring the Boys to the Yard?

Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her moth­er walked in and she was you-know-what-ing… with the milk­shake mak­er!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was — y’­know — us­ing it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: … Did she make a milk­shake with it af­ter­wards?

New­town, NSW
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: buz­z­cut

So It’s Like…a Gay Bar?

Guy, af­ter burn­ing left hand: But this is my spe­cial hand…
Friend: Why can’t you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It’s like be­ing jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imag­ine a stranger comes up to you and starts talk­ing to you, and sud­den­ly just starts jerk­ing you off. (pause) Yeah. That’s how it feels like.

Bay­onne, New Jer­sey

Best. Peer Ad­vi­sor. Ever.

Cu­ri­ous friend: Does­n’t your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That’s what my hands are for!
Cu­ri­ous friend: Don’t your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That’s what my mouth is for!
Cu­ri­ous friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that’s when he puts it in my butt.

Hobo­ken, New Jer­sey