Girl to friend: I need some cute shirts that I can just throw on and like…jerk off in.
H&M
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: XT
Archive for the ‘Masturbation’ Category
Did It Bring the Boys to the Yard?
Girl #1: So, do you know what she told me? Her mother walked in and she was you-know-what-ing… with the milkshake maker!
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: She was — y’know — using it down there!
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Gross, I know.
Girl #2: … Did she make a milkshake with it afterwards?
Newtown, NSW
Australia
Overheard by: buzzcut
Your Editors Are Not Proud Of Having Seen This
Confused-sounding girl on cell: I could fit an orange in my vagina?
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
So It’s Like…a Gay Bar?
Guy, after burning left hand: But this is my special hand…
Friend: Why can’t you just use your right hand for a while?
Guy: It’s like being jerked off by a stranger.
Friend: What?
Guy: Imagine a stranger comes up to you and starts talking to you, and suddenly just starts jerking you off. (pause) Yeah. That’s how it feels like.
Bayonne, New Jersey
My Hand Never Asks Where Our Relationship Is Going
Guy: Sometimes I feel like I want to get a steady girlfriend again.
Friend: Whenever I feel like that I just jerk off all over myself and the feeling goes away.
Downtown Post Office
Worcester, Massachusetts
Whatever, Mister Finding Nemo
Artsy queer: You masturbated to the soundtrack of The Nightmare Before Christmas?!
Houghton, Michigan
Overheard by: Midget Goldfish
All I Said Was, “Stop Doing It in My Class”
Girl: Are you seriously telling me how I should masturbate? When did you become a sex tyrant?
MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Best. Peer Advisor. Ever.
Curious friend: Doesn’t your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That’s what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don’t your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That’s what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that’s when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
…Since HR Told Him He Had to Start Giving Us Warnings
Call center girl to coworker who just hung up: Did he tell you he was going to come over here and rub one off?
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/325426424/at-least-he-gave-you-a-head-start.html
Overheard by: keep him away from my potato salad
I’m the Thing I Have Sex to Forget About
Suit: I can’t masturbate to a picture of myself!
Maine
