Guy on cell: Hey… Rainy… Ummm, well, yeah I’ve kind of played with it, but not to fruition. Hold on, I’m on the L in Chicago. Hey, guys, Jeff* wants to know if you’ve ever masturbated while driving on a long car trip.
Friend #1: No.
Friend #2: No.
Guy on cell: Nick* and Joe* say no. Hey, um, I gotta go…
Chicago L
Illinois
Overheard by: J to the P
Hobo: You ever wanted to punch an asshole in the face? Now’s your chance, one dollar! I deserve it! I club baby seals, I vote Republican, I masturbate way too much! Quit laughin’ and start punchin!
Church & Duboce
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: C
Stoned girl at party: I don’t think I’m gonna call him back, he was fingering me in pretty rapey way.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Girl: First, string cheese. Then masturbation!
Saint Peter’s College
New Jersey
3L law student: He’s just irritating. He’s like one of those people who masturbates to Scalia decisions.
http://overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com/2007/03/im-kennedy-man-myself.html
Gay man: Listen, we’ve all shat, we’ve all farted, we’ve all touched ourselves, and we’ve all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm… no.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
US History professor, angrily: I don’t put up stuff on the overhead for me to masturbate to! I do that at home. Pay attention!
Georgia State University
Overheard by: Kat
Toddler boy in stall with mom: I’m done!
Mom: Are you sure? Why are you doing that? Don’t pull on it!
Toddler boy: Daddy does it all the time!
Border Grill
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Smooph
Professor: Please write legibly. If I had wanted to go blind, I would have masturbated to excess as a child.
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Cap
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
