Archive for the ‘Mental illnesses’ Category

e e cum­mings Would Go on to Fame and For­tune

Hobo, sit­ting next to guys on bench: And then my guys, damn birds! (mut­ters in­co­her­ent­ly) Every­where! Fuck­ing pi­geons! They eat and shit and live and shit. (mut­ters in­co­her­ent­ly) Cats, and mind con­trol, that’s what we need…
(hobo gets up and rolls down the street)
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: I think he’s my hero.

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

If You’ve Nev­er Been Forced to Go to Bible Camp, You Can’t Judge.

Woman to friend: And her ther­a­pist is say­ing she does­n’t need any more ther­a­py ses­sions. I mean, she was cut­ting her­self at camp a on­ly month ago!

Over­heard by: not ap­pro­pri­ate in the hard­ware store

…Which Is Al­so What Tom Said.

Girl #1: So what are we look­ing for here?
Girl #2, dis­tract­ed­ly: A birth­day card for my boyfriend Tom*. (paus­es) I mean…
Girl #1: Oh my god, you to­tal­ly just called your best friend your boyfriend! If that’s not a huge Freudi­an slip, I don’t know what is.
Girl #2: Freud can suck my dick!

Culpeper, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: freudi­an fol­low­er

That’s a Fun­ny Name for a Ghost!

Crazy guy: Hey, June*! Do you know that my cab­i­nets keep open­ing and clos­ing by them­selves?
June*: Well, do you be­lieve in ghosts?
Crazy guy: Yes, I do!
June*: Maybe your place is haunt­ed, and the ghosts just want to say hel­lo.
Crazy guy, af­ter think­ing a while: No, I think it’s just my schiz­o­phre­nia.

Burling­ton, Ver­mont

Over­heard by: Sweenan A. Morn­stuy

When Ae­sop Tried Pey­ote

Dude: You fail to see that the rhi­noc­er­os is not pleased that you’ve clogged the bath­tub drain with jam and cel­ery. She’s quite an­gry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a ca­nary, it’s not go­ing to want to play ton­sil hock­ey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you in­vol­un­tar­i­ly com­mit­ted to a men­tal in­sti­tu­tion?

Marist Col­lege
Pough­keep­sie, New York

Over­heard by: Russ