Girl, pointing: That kid — he’s my new friend.
Friend: What? That tiny kid?
Girl: Yeah. You said I need a new friend. That kid is my new friend.
Friend: Whatever.
Girl: I think his name is Kyle.
Cosmo Park
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Girl, pointing: That kid — he’s my new friend.
Friend: What? That tiny kid?
Girl: Yeah. You said I need a new friend. That kid is my new friend.
Friend: Whatever.
Girl: I think his name is Kyle.
Cosmo Park
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Old dude to another, reminiscing: You still got that briefcase with all that underwear in it?
Kansas City, Missouri
Mom gripping three kids by their collars with one hand while pointing with each word at each kid with her other hand: I. Don’t. Want. To. Hear. Another. Word. About. Sticking. Something. Up. Your. Asses!
Toy aisle, Wal-Mart
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: keller-wish i’d gotten there fifteen seconds earlier
Drunk guy: If kiddie porn is such a huge problem on the internet, how come you can’t ever find it?
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Why Don’t You Have A Seat Over Here…
Girl to friend: I gave my ostrich a fur coat.
Rich Catholic Girls School
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Sarah
Woman to friend: So I killed three of them already. I guess that means I should lose some weight.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: corey
Drunk guy on cell: Hey, this is Eric*. Just calling to see how you were doing at three in the morning. [To chick passerby] Hey! I saw you tonight at the club!
Angry drunk chick: Get away from me!
Drunk guy on cell, into phone: What the fuck is up with every girl on campus thinking I want to rape them? Just because I’m drunk doesn’t mean I’m a fucking pervert.
University of Missouri-Columbia
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Caesar22
20-something girl on phone: Wait, he gave you a bite of his burrito and you’re questioning his feelings for you? (pause) Girl, he practically proposed right there!
University of Missouri
Overheard by: Black Bean
Guy #1, walking into beer garden: What does “drunk in public” mean exactly?
Guy #2: I think it’s kind of self-explanatory.
Columbia, Missouri
Student: I was wondering what my grade is.
Instructor (after consulting grade book): You have 312 points out of 500.
Student: So that’s like, what, a “b?“
Instructor: Are you failing math too?
MCCKC
Independence, Missouri
Overheard by: Not failing math
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist