Archive for the ‘Mouth’ Category

He Asked Me on a Date!

Guy: I de­cid­ed I would do a lit­tle so­cial ex­per­i­ment. So I went to the gas sta­tion and bought a choco­late muf­fin and sat down out­side the door. Then this guy passed me, so I shoved the muf­fin in my mouth and start­ed singing “What if God Was One of Us,” with lit­tle pieces of the muf­fin falling out of my mouth. It was great.

Over­heard by: julie

Best. Peer Ad­vi­sor. Ever.

Cu­ri­ous friend: Does­n’t your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That’s what my hands are for!
Cu­ri­ous friend: Don’t your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That’s what my mouth is for!
Cu­ri­ous friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that’s when he puts it in my butt.

Hobo­ken, New Jer­sey

Why Ge­nies Are Wast­ed on Blondes

Red-head­ed friend to blonde friend: If I had a spe­cial pow­er it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, se­ri­ous­ly: If I had a spe­cial pow­er I would have a mi­crowave in my mouth so that I could cook any­thing I want­ed, when­ev­er I want­ed.
Red-head­ed friend: You could nev­er get sal­mo­nel­la again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It’s my best idea yet!

Canada’s Won­der­land