Archive for the ‘Murder’ Category

This Sea­son’s Most Un­like­ly Love Sto­ry

Girl, look­ing at video games: If I had a sword that pimp, I would just kill peo­ple all day and run around.
Boy fol­low­ing her: Girl, if you had a sword that pimp I would stop be­ing gay and make you stop to make love to me.
Girl, look­ing ap­palled: I’d be busy killing peo­ple, though.
Boy, mat­ter-of-fact­ly: Well… I’d make you stop every thir­teen kills.

Ran­dom Wal­mart
Boise, Ida­ho

Over­heard by: Bun­nee

Or Is That Necrophil­ia?

So­cial prob­lems teacher: So what are some so­cial prob­lems that af­fect us to­day?
Fe­male stu­dent: Mur­der?
Teacher: Yeah, that’s good. [writes it on the white board.] Any oth­ers?
Male stu­dent: Nar­cis­sism?
Teacher: I don’t quite un­der­stand…
Male stu­dent: Well if peo­ple are falling asleep all the time and they don’t know it…

Grand Rapids Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege
Grand Rapids, Michi­gan

Lib­er­als Can’t Be­lieve That Some Plagues Cure Them­selves

Lib­er­al #1: Cut off her head!
Lib­er­al #2: No! Then she would­n’t feel any of the pain!
Lib­er­al #1: Yeah, you’re right… I sup­pose you could cut her head off half-way…
Passer­by: Um, I don’t mean to in­ter­rupt, but, um, what are you talk­ing about?
Lib­er­al #1: How to kill Ann Coul­ter.
Lib­er­al #2: Is that bad?
Passer­by: Oh, no, con­tin­ue! By all means, please!

Af­ter con­cert at Hol­ly­wood Bowl
Hol­ly­wood, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Arg­onath

Why “Fam­i­ly Va­ca­tion” Will Al­ways Be an Oxy­moron

Tod­dler to old­er sis­ter: The pen­cil! Pen­cil! Look! (scream­ing) Looooook!
Teenage sis­ter: That’s the Wash­ing­ton Mon­u­ment.
Tod­dler: Noooooo! It’ll kill us! (sob­bing un­con­trol­lably) Ki­i­i­il­l­ll! (con­tin­ues sob­bing)

Na­tion­al Mall
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Meag­goo