Archive for the ‘Murder’ Category

Why “Fam­i­ly Va­ca­tion” Will Al­ways Be an Oxy­moron

Tod­dler to old­er sis­ter: The pen­cil! Pen­cil! Look! (scream­ing) Looooook!
Teenage sis­ter: That’s the Wash­ing­ton Mon­u­ment.
Tod­dler: Noooooo! It’ll kill us! (sob­bing un­con­trol­lably) Ki­i­i­il­l­ll! (con­tin­ues sob­bing)

Na­tion­al Mall
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Meag­goo

I Had a Room­mate Who Bleached the Bath­room Three Times a Week. True Sto­ry

Chick on cell phone: My room­mate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten min­utes and fi­nal­ly I was like: “What the fuck are you do­ing? You’re gonna pull all your hair out!” … Ha­ha yeah… She threat­ened to kill me if I asked her any­more ques­tions… She prob­a­bly watch­es me sleep.

UB Bus
Buf­fa­lo, New York

From The Mouths of Babes…

Lit­tle boy (point­ing at large cru­ci­fix in grave­yard): What is that guy do­ing?
Babysit­ter: That’s Je­sus.
Lit­tle boy: But why is he bloody? Is he dead?
Babysit­ter: Yes.
Lit­tle boy: But Je­sus is still alive, is­n’t he? Why would some­body kill Je­sus? And why would they make him go up on that thing?
Babysit­ter: You know what? It’s a com­pli­cat­ed sto­ry and we’ll talk about it lat­er.
Lit­tle boy: Bloody Je­sus is scary.

Mis­sion San­ta Bar­bara, Cal­i­for­nia