Dad: That’s an awfully big brownie. You know it’s so big it’s a Girl Scout.
Daughter: Silence.
Dad: Hey, this is funny stuff from your dad.
(daughter stares at him in silence)
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Tim
Archive for the ‘New York’ Category
Are the Stories About Martha Stewart As True As They Say?
Angry woman on cell: I want the fucking muffins!
Galleria Mall
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
When You Locate the Controls Of Your Spacecraft
Quirky lesbian professor leading class in Kegel exercises: And everybody squeeze, hold, hold…release and squeeze, two, three…release.
Ditzy Indian, after shiver spasm: It gives me the willies!
Quirky lesbian professor: It’s great, right!
Health Ed Class
Borough of Manhattan Community College, New York
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh at all the serious faces trying to hide these private exercises
What About Those Three Other Kids?
Six-year-old girl: Are you doing your job?
Lifeguard: Are you drowning?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Lifeguard: Then I’m doing my job.
Kiddie Pool
Great Neck, New York
I Swear On This Stack of Flannel Shirts
Drunk sorority girl: I swear, I’m not gay! I just crush a lot.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
It Says Here the Mule Consented?
Cop: You know there’s a warrant out for your arrest, right?
Guy with arm in cast: Oh, really?
Cop: Yeah… So we should probably have a chat about that.
Town Court
Duanesburg, New York
Overheard by: 91 in a 65
Taught Me the “White Elephant”
College guy: I went to sleep-away camp so long ago my counselor was Jesus Christ!
University of Rochester
Rochester, New York
What Apple?
Girlfriend: You’re still tying your shoes with bunny ears?
Boyfriend: The other way is really hard!
Girlfriend: It’s so easy!
Boyfriend: Look, I have to do the bunny ears. I can’t tie my shoes the other way. It’s like, the bunny goes around the tree 50 billion times, then hides in its hole, comes out and the mongoose chases it… Then the rabbit eats the apple!
High school
Hamburg, New York
While You, Me, and Dupre Taught Me to Value Threesomes
Cute girl to friend: But I don’t want a booty call! (pause) But the message of the notebook made me realize how important they are.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Anna
In the Hamptons, That’s a Marriage Proposal
Guy from inside Port-A-Potty: Oh, shit, I just dropped my BlackBerry in there!
Friend: Oh, man, what are you gonna do?!
Guy: Well, somebody’s got to stick their hand in there!
Dude waiting in line: I think I’ll use the other one. I don’t want to be the first person to piss on your BlackBerry.
Rock the Farm Benefit
East Hampton, New York
