Archive for the ‘North Carolina’ Category

It Was All, “What Am I, a Fuck­ing Cow?”

Red­neck girl: So do you wor­ship cows?
Hin­du boy: Yes, that’s part of our re­li­gion.
Red­neck girl: No, I mean you. Do you wor­ship cows?
Hin­du boy: Yes! I do, my peo­ple do, it’s our re­li­gion!
Red­neck girl: So when you go to church, there’s a cow there?
Hin­du boy: No, we don’t go to church.
Red­neck girl: Have you ever gone cow-tip­ping?
Hin­du boy: What’s that?
Red­neck girl: It’s when you run up to a cow in the mid­dle of the night and push it over and it goes “mooooooooo!” I tried to tip a horse once, too, but it just looked at me.

High School
North Car­oli­na

‘Cause Then She Took One of My Legs and Snapped It

Skin­ny girl: My room­mate’s nuts. We got in­to an­oth­er fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She’s mad again ’cause you don’t rinse every drop of tooth­paste out of the sink, right?
Skin­ny girl: No, it’s the may­on­naise! The fuck­ing may­on­naise! She ac­cused me of eat­ing it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sand­wich or any­thing. I looked at her and told her, ‘Lis­ten, bitch, I don’t eat mayo. I’m anorex­ic.’ She’s ac­cus­ing me of hav­ing no self con­trol!
Tall girl: So, what hap­pened then?
Skin­ny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, ‘Ha! Now no one can eat it!’ I don’t think that helped the sit­u­a­tion at all.

George Her­man’s
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Did You Just Whin­ny?

Red­head: If I were a horse, I would to­tal­ly do this one [points to horse in mag­a­zine].
Blonde: If you were a horse, you would do them all.
Red­head: Yeah! There’s the Quar­ter Horse, the Mus­tang, the Ap­paloosa, and the Ara­bi­an. Ohhh, the Ara­bi­an! [Shiv­ers.]

Raleigh, North Car­oli­na