Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category

…Okay, Now You’re Just Doing It on Purpose

Mother in bathroom stall with four-year-old son: No, no, you’re peeing on mommy. Aim lower! Aim lower!

Chili’s
Augusta, Georgia

If You’ve Ever Waited Weeks for Grades, You’ll Understand the Applause

Professor, throwing exams on desk the day after taking them: I graded all of these. I want applause.
(class applauds)

UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts

Is That a “Yes” on Hiring Her?

Man to friend: She makes me want to cheat on my wife in front of my wife.

Exchange Place, New Jersey

Overheard by: John

In One Of Those Containers That’s Like a Bowl, but It Has a Handle

Customer: Do you have any tea that’s like coffee only it isn’t caffeinated like coffee… But it tastes like coffee?
Barista: Uh, you mean decaf coffee?
Customer: Yes! That’s exactly what I want. I’ll have a decaf coffee.

Red Brick Coffee Pub
Guelph
Ontario, Canadia

And Let’s Get Some Chewing Tobacco to Spit

Girl, to two guys smoking in a bar: Oh my gosh! Smoking? Gross! (walks away, disgusted)
Guy #1: You wanna follow her and smoke?
Guy #2: Hell yeah, I do.

Denver, Colorado

The Long-Awaited Follow-up to “My Humps”

Little girl #1 (holding a Patrick Star toy): Mommy, mommy! Can I get this?
Scary mom: No.
Little girl #1: Why?
Scary mom: Because last time we bought one of those was the day you had your seizure.
Little girl #1 (running around the store and flapping her arms): My seizure, my seizure!
Little girl #2 (also running and flapping): Your seizure, your seizure!

Kings Island, Ohio

And You Thought Picking Up Girls at Funerals Was Bad

Girlfriend on packed, stopped train: I’m bored. Tell me a story.
Boyfriend: I remember the first time I saw you…you were crying…sitting outside the abortion clinic. I gave you my hankie.

Yellow Train
Washington, DC

Overheard by: entertained next to them

The Casino?

Volleyball girl: How come you have a painting of a football helmet on the wall but nothing for us?
Athletic trainer: I don’t know. Maybe I’ll paint something for you guys.
Volleyball girl: Yeah! You should paint a whole mirage!

Gustavus Adolphus College
Minnesota