Scruffy man with garbage bag to stranger: Want to buy some chicken breast?
Blue Line Train
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category
And Be Sure to Return Your Seat Backs to the Awkward Position
Stewardess: Wave hi to my ex-husband and his new wife as they pass by.
Southwest Airlines Flight
Houston to New Orleans
Overheard by: Passenger A 44
…Even Though It’s Shaped Like St. Peter?
Girlfriend, excited: I know exactly what I’m going to get you for your birthday this year.
Boyfriend: Oh yeah? I know exactly what I am going to get you for your birthday.
Girlfriend: Really? Are you going to get that thing cut off your back?
Cafe
Sydney
Australia
How Do You Think the Lollipop Guild Got Their Name?
Girl #1: So my computer is dead, and I don’t know how to fix it.
Girl #2: What do you think is wrong with it?
Girl #1: It’s got a virus. But it was totally worth it.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? Why?
Girl #1: Well, Mary* and I were curious and wanted to know if midgets’ dicks are normal-sized or midget-sized, so we were looking up midget porn.
Girl #2: And the verdict is?
Girl #1: They’re normal-sized. This one guy was seriously a tripod. It’s incredible.
Male bartender: Yeah, I can see how that would be worth a completely devastating virus on your computer. Can you write down the website you found it on?
Killarney’s Pub
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
Christopher Walken Has a Fever Again
Man walking into coffee shop: I need some pantyhose, stat!
Muddy Waters Coffee Shop
Burlington, Vermont
…Now That We’ve Invented These Little Wagons for Them.
Older teenager: Go get me my Clif Bar!
Little girl, eating ice cream sandwich: I will, but I don’t want my ice cream to melt.
Older teenager, very annoyed: Bring it with you. You know an ice cream sandwich is portable!
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Aren’t You Wendy from Season One?
Barista #1: Yeah, Joey does a great Tim Gunn impression. You should ask him to do it for you.
Barista #2: I will. So you really like Project Runway?
Barista #1: Oh my god, yes! Like, I should totally be on that show.
Barista #2: Yeah? Do you do fashion design?
Barista #1: Well, no. But I dress myself really well. And I have really good ideas. But I can’t really sew or anything.
Starbucks
Fairborn, Ohio
Overheard by: Barista #3
Who We Are As Kids Is Who We Are in Life
Friend #1: Do you remember when we were little and I used to show the neighbor’s boys my boobs so they’d give me candy? Bet you’re glad I stopped doing that!
Friend #2: What are you talking about? The only thing that’s changed is your form of payment! You just finished telling everyone not two minutes ago how last week you won $200 on amateur’s night when you went to the strip club with the guys!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Jesus Was to Vex Mary His Entire Life
Mother, exiting trolley, to her son: Okay, come on, there’s people behind us.
Son: I want to say goodbye!
Mother: Oh, god.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
And P.S.- You Might Want to Wash Your Face
Frat boy: Hypothetically speaking, if you were on your period, would you invite a guy to go home with you? Like, if it was your third day and you weren’t having a very heavy flow?
Sorority girl: Justin, this doesn’t sound very hypothetical.
University of Iowa Library
Iowa City, Iowa
