In This World There Are No Un­mixed Bless­ings

Chick: I love go­ing to the Jim­my Buf­fet con­cert, but every year some­one throws up on my shoes.

In line at Kroger’s
Cincin­nati, Ohio

Um, Racoon Mario Is So Much More Use­ful

Girl play­ing video game: Some girls just want to get mar­ried. I just want fire.

Colum­bus, Ohio

Over­heard by: Kel­son

For Some Rea­son, They Nev­er Had Vanil­la

Mr. Hon, hang­ing on car door: Hon! Tell mom here ex­act­ly where that swingers’ club is, that I took you to on your birth­day.
(wife says some­thing un­in­tel­li­gi­ble as she walks down path to­wards car)
Mom, sit­ting in car: Oh! That’s where I used to buy ice cream when I was a lit­tle kid!

Pub­lic Pond
Ket­ter­ing, Ohio

Mmm, Sac­ri­li­cious

Ston­er: That’s like say­ing Je­sus and Gand­hi are the same. A Gand­hi would be the cin­na­mon bun and Je­sus would be the cinnabon.

100 Main Street
Cincin­nati, Ohio

Prob­a­bly the “Pot” As Well.

Skate­board­er in large ba­nana suit: We put the ‘ass’ in ‘potas­si­um’!

Ohio State Uni­ver­si­ty
Ohio

Guess Which One’s the “Naughty Li­brar­i­an”

Li­brary work­er #1: Do I have to lick it?
Li­brary work­er #2: … What?
Li­brary work­er #1: The en­ve­lope. Do I have to lick it?
Li­brary work­er #2: You could tape it, I guess…
Li­brary work­er #1: Great, be­cause af­ter last night, I am to­tal­ly out of sali­va.

Main Li­brary, Kent State Uni­ver­si­ty
Kent, Ohio

Un­like My Grad­ing Scale

Pro­fes­sor: The guil­lo­tine was hu­mane. It was just hu­mane many thou­sands of times.

Ober­lin, Ohio

Over­heard by: Se­cret Spy

I Call It Com­par­i­son Shtup­ping

Chick: So, what did you and Kev do last night?
Soros­ti­tute: We got drunk and had sex.
Chick: You’re a walk­ing fuck­ing dis­ease.
Soros­ti­tute: What? How am I sup­posed to know what I want un­less I drunk­en­ly sleep with a bunch of peo­ple I don’t want?

Ohio State Uni­ver­si­ty
Colum­bus, Ohio

But Take This Cream, to Be on the Safe Side

Girl: Hey, Lamar!
Guy: Oh, hey!
Girl: How you been? You been sick?
Guy: Nah… healthy.
Girl: Oh… see ya!

Bowl­ing Green State Uni­ver­si­ty
Bowl­ing Green, Ohio

Over­heard by: Alex

None Of Them Are Fil­tered

Teen gangs­ta wannabe yelling to small boy on play­ground: No, I was­n’t, I don’t smoke! He was just trans­fer­ring the smoke to my mouth! (pause) Nev­er mind! I’m not gay!

Park
Cincin­nati, Ohio