Guess Which One’s the “Naughty Li­brar­i­an”

Li­brary work­er #1: Do I have to lick it?
Li­brary work­er #2: … What?
Li­brary work­er #1: The en­ve­lope. Do I have to lick it?
Li­brary work­er #2: You could tape it, I guess…
Li­brary work­er #1: Great, be­cause af­ter last night, I am to­tal­ly out of sali­va.

Main Li­brary, Kent State Uni­ver­si­ty
Kent, Ohio

Un­like My Grad­ing Scale

Pro­fes­sor: The guil­lo­tine was hu­mane. It was just hu­mane many thou­sands of times.

Ober­lin, Ohio

Over­heard by: Se­cret Spy

I Call It Com­par­i­son Shtup­ping

Chick: So, what did you and Kev do last night?
Soros­ti­tute: We got drunk and had sex.
Chick: You’re a walk­ing fuck­ing dis­ease.
Soros­ti­tute: What? How am I sup­posed to know what I want un­less I drunk­en­ly sleep with a bunch of peo­ple I don’t want?

Ohio State Uni­ver­si­ty
Colum­bus, Ohio

But Take This Cream, to Be on the Safe Side

Girl: Hey, Lamar!
Guy: Oh, hey!
Girl: How you been? You been sick?
Guy: Nah… healthy.
Girl: Oh… see ya!

Bowl­ing Green State Uni­ver­si­ty
Bowl­ing Green, Ohio

Over­heard by: Alex

None Of Them Are Fil­tered

Teen gangs­ta wannabe yelling to small boy on play­ground: No, I was­n’t, I don’t smoke! He was just trans­fer­ring the smoke to my mouth! (pause) Nev­er mind! I’m not gay!

Park
Cincin­nati, Ohio

My Se­cret? Low Stan­dards.

Girl #1: You fail at life.
Girl #2: Nuh-uh! I’m good at life! I have a C‑plus at life!

High school
Ohio

Over­heard by: Kat Na­vane

Um, That’s What You Said About Anal.

World­ly hip­ster: Do you drink?
Very naive girl: No, tried it once, did­n’t like the taste.
World­ly hip­ster: Do you like tea?
Very naive girl: Yes.
World­ly hip­ster: Good, then you’ll like beer.

Colum­bus, Ohio

Over­heard by: The RJP

If That’s True, How Come There’s Nev­er Been a Re­al World There?

Flight at­ten­dant: Okay, every­one, we’re go­ing to be land­ing soon. We would like to be the first to wel­come you to reality…I mean, Cleve­land.

Plane over Cleve­land, Ohio

…And Haven’t We All Been There?

Woman on cell in de­part­ment store: She’s prob­a­bly trad­ing food for un­der­wear.

Cincin­nati, Ohio

Over­heard by: Leslie

How the Colo­nials Felt about John Han­cock

Queer en route to Oba­ma ral­ly: Oh my god, he’s so cute. Do you think he’ll sign my ass for me?

Ohio State Uni­ver­si­ty
Colum­bus, Ohio

Over­heard by: Rachel Jane