Angry old man to frat guy: I’m gonna take you out back and teach you who the sixteenth president is.
Pub
Bloomfield, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Old folks’ Category
I'm Not Even Gonna Ask About Your Leash Collection
Grandmother: So my friend gave me dog biscuits for my birthday.
Teen girl: But you don't have a dog.
Grandmother: She knew I would appreciate them, dear.
Teen girl: And it isn't your birthday.
Grandmother: That doesn't matter. I was going to save them for the Boxer that young man brings around the home, but I got hungry around noon.
Teen girl: Oh no. You didn't.
Grandmother: What? It's not as if I ate them plain. I boiled a cup of coffee and dipped them.
Frammingham, Massachusetts
The Character Was So Lifelike
Older lady: Heath Ledger was The Joker? Boy, I never would have guessed that!
Movie Theater
Champaign-Urbana, Illinois
When Telepaths Mate
Old lady, walking up to old man: Hi there. Sorry I was just staring off at you. I had something on my mind and I think you were thinking it too. Bye!
Old man: Bye.
Sacred Heart University
Connecticut
In an Unrelated Question?
Old woman: They don't make that many good movies nowadays.
Young girl: That's not true! Want to order Daddy Day Camp?
Ontario, California
Overheard by: none
Think Reproduction
Cashier: Whoa, those are interesting checks!
Old woman: Yeah, they usually get a reaction.
Cashier: Are those dancing skeletons?
Pat’s IGA
Calumet, Michigan
But I'm Currently Putting David Hasselhoff Through a Rigorous Mentorship Program
Elderly Italian lady to store clerk, while judging jugs of wine: I'm the last of the great drinkers.
Liquor Store
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steve
You're As Big a Disappointment As Your Mother!
Elderly lady to six-month-old baby: Now, I want you to say nice and clearly, “here I am, grandmother,” when I ask you where you are.
Oxford
England
But All You Have Are Seven Cats and a Yarn Collection!
Grandmother: I had to write you out of my will.
10-year-old grandson: What? Why?
Grandmother: You never called. I can’t give you money and things if you never call.
10-year-old grandson: But I love you.
Grandmother: You can’t just say it! You have to mean it and show it! I’m keeping you out of the will!
Target
Atlanta, Georgia
At Least, I Can't.
Grey-haired grandma to another: Of course, it was worse for him because she left to become a lesbian. (pause) And you can't help thinking of all that licking.
Norfolk Island
Overheard by: kk